Running My Butt Off

A stuffy head will make your food tasteless... or a cold can help you stay on your diet.

2011-02-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

I've been back from my vacation for 10 days and just a busy little person doing my work and trying to get over this @#$%&$%# cold. It's almost gone. Even though it felt like I might, I did not actually cough up either of my lungs.

Guess what! I lost weight while I was on vacation.

I KNOW! whodda thought? I seemed like all we did was eat, but evidently that was not the case. We ran around and did all kinds of things and learned all kinds of stuff, so I guess I was too busy to do a lot of snacking.
Awesome, I say!
Since I have this craptastic cold I'm not in the eating mode too much. Mostly vegetable soup and crackers, so I've managed to drop a couple of pounds since I got home.
If there's an up-side to being under the weather, it's that nothing tastes good and I really have no appetite.

Now that I'm feeling better and the weather is gloriously sunny, I'll be out pounding the pavement getting myself ready for a 5K in May. Please, Dear Lord, let me NOT be last again. Or at least not as last as I was last time.
My goal is to RUN a 5K by this fall. I can do it. But I have to start training now.

I stopped in at the new gym in town. Not to join, but to get the info for putting lettering on the windows of their new section.
Then I talked about joining.
I spoke with the couple who own the gym about my 5K aspirations. I was pleased that neither of them rolled their eyes or smirked when I announced my intentions. In fact, the husband offered to help me set up a training program where I start adding intervals of running into my walks. Very much like the Cto5K program.
He was trying to be delicate about telling me that running would be easier if I lose weight. That's a big 10-4, buddy. That's why I haven't been doing much jogging - because I don't want to injure my joints by putting that much stress on my knees. It all goes together hand in hand. Foot in shoe. Butt in jeans... you get the idea.

I'll do some thinking about a membership. At least this gym will let you go on a monthly basis without a big ass set up fee and a year long commitment.
I'd like to break away from work for an hour in the afternoon - the gym is practically empty around 2 - and get a workout in, at least until it's light longer in the evenings.

For now I am looking forward to getting outside for some walking this weekend. Spring will be here soon!
I can hardly wait.

There's sunshine in my soul

2011-01-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Wow! I got a link from Sheryl at BitchCakes to thank me for quoting her in my last post and... wow.
Thanks to everyone for popping over to have a look.
If I'd known you were coming I'd have dusted and fluffed the pillows a little better.

I'm sitting in sunshiny Phoenix this weekend. It's warm. and they have stores and stuff. Ikea! I'm having a marvelous time. My little brother is the best host ever. He cooks, he cleans, he buys me coffee and sushi. He isn't aware yet that I may never leave.

I'm afraid I haven't been very active the past couple of days because I was sitting in a classroom trying to absorb as much info as I possibly can without exploding my brain. It was a pretty close call. Who knew that paying attention and taking notes could be so exhausting?
But now I am much smarter and that much closer to getting my blog design site set up. WordPress, anyone?

I will get some walking in this afternoon, though, because we're going to take ourselves a nice little nature hike out through the cactus and the desert plants. It will be beautiful, I'm sure. I love the desert.

Nothing is hard.

2011-01-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

"nothing is "hard". Everything is just "new" if you haven't done it before. Give it a try!"
-Sheryl/Bitchcakes-

I do a lot of blog-stalking and reading ~~and judging~~ and empathizing, and a theme that I see all the time out there in fat blogger land is that losing weight is hard.

Actually... that's not true. Losing weight is easy if you do the things that will promote weightloss. Eat healthy foods, move more, drink water... see... it's easy. Saying that losing weight is hard is a cop-out. "It's so hard, that's why I can't seem to do it." (written in a whiny cry-baby voice.) I'm like the drill sergeant therapist. I have no sympathy. You bunch of mamby-pambies.

Changing habits... now that is a where the challenge is. I'm not going to say it's hard because I don't like to think about it that way. Thinking that something is hard is giving yourself an excuse for failure. Think of it as challenging. I have a huge challenge ahead of me.

******************

Stepping on the bad-ass scale this morning I see that I've creeped up another 1.5 pounds. NO! NONONONONO!

I do this every stinkin' year. I lose 30 pounds and then gradually put it right back on. Then by July I'm tired of myself so I take it off again. WTF, girl?

I am heading for Phoenix this Wednesday. I wanted to drop a few more pounds for the airplane adventure, but that didn't happen so I'll deal with the tiny airplane seat. At this point... it is what it is. I'm sure I'll be seated next to someone who will be more than happy to emote their feelings about my oversized body. Welcome to the club, dude. I kinda feel that way about myself sometimes. It's just a 90 minute flight. You'll be fine. So will I. As far as I know I'll have a window seat, so will only offend one person instead of two.

Sometimes I think that I keep my fat blanket wrapped snugly around myself so that I have an excuse to never go anywhere... or try anything that's a little bit scary- like social situations - or do anything that's outside of my normal go to work then go home routine - like go on a trip. You have no idea how traumatized I am at the thought of being away from home and work for a week. For me that is a challenge.

I have never thought of myself as a recluse, but that is very much the behavior I'm exhibiting. Once again I say...WTF, girl?

Once upon a time I was fearless. I'd take off on a trip at a moments notice. Now I have to think about it and plan for it and think of all the reasons it can't happen and then think about it some more.... sheesh. Is there a pill for something like this? Something besides a bag of potato chips?

So now... what am I going to do about this? Hmmmm?

For starters I'm back to consciously eating good food. GOOD food. Not crap. and walking. every day.

I can do this today and tomorrow and every day even with my plans to be on vacation for a week, cuz I'll be hanging out with my brother who is very health conscious and will not encourage me to eat a bag of cookies. (I might even get up at 4 in the morning and go to the gym with him. Crazy, I know, we're trying new things here.)

Once I get back, I'll search up another 5K to take part in and work toward being able to RUN the distance. My little endorphins are firing just thinking about it!

I'm excited! I love to start new things. It's finishing that's ~~hard~~ a challenge for me.

...and she's back in the game!

2010-12-13T23:40:00.001-07:00

I did good today.
I put on my big girl panties and stepped up on the scale.... and.... oh.
That's not so bad. I've gained 3 pounds.
A 3 pound gain is not something to be rejoicing about, cuz, hey it's 3 pounds that I have to lose again. But neither is it something to berate myself about. Not gonna call me names. Not even going to give myself a long boring lecture about how I always do this and why can't I stay with a plan and make some headway and get healthy and, and, and.... well, you know.

Today I kept the calories to just a tad over 1200. I'm trying to catch up with the liquids before I go to bed, but I've put in a long day and I'm tired and I'm going to call it good and do good again tomorrow too.

I had a late day at work, so I didn't get home until 8:30.
I wanted to whine about all the work I have to do, but then I remembered I want to take a week off next month and the after hours gig that I did tonight will pay for either new tires or airfare... either of which will get me to the land of palm trees and geeks.

Airfare reminds me of my intention to stay the course and lose as many more pounds as I can in the next six weeks so that if I choose to fly to my sunny destination I'll be able to shove my butt into an airplane seat. It won't be pretty, butt it will be more comfortable than the last time I hopped a plane.
It's a terrible dilemma having to choose whether to fly or take a road trip. It's a dilemma that I'm quite giddy about since I like flying and I like road trips. I think I like taking a vacation... it's been so long, I'm not exactly sure - brain is now drifting off into some vague dream-cloud kinda deal that for some reason has the theme music from Charlies Angels playing in the background.
I told you it was a long day.

Catching up

2010-12-12T16:17:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I know. It's about time I updated about the Santa run and all the other stuff that's going on.

That there is a photo of me and my awesome sister all decked out like the 598 other Santas who took part in this jolly 5K.
The good people of Ogden blocked off a mile or so of Washington Blvd for all of us and the parade that followed.
A good time, yessirree!

Instead of running, NeNe slowed it down and walked with me so we had a good chat while we were chugging along. Actually, I was chugging and walking as fast as I could. I don't think she was having to work at all to stay with me. But I appreciated the company.

We chose to cut it short, because even though I was walking as fast as I could, we were still bringing up the rear. So in order not to be holding up the parade, we opted to skip the last loop. I know, it's kind of chicken shit, but we made ourselves a promise that the NEXT 5K we take part in we'll both be RUNNING the distance.
Yes, that's some tall words to be saying in the middle of winter.

Since the Santa Run I see myself getting lax and slipping back into my bad wintertime habits. Following the pattern I fall into every year.
I work hard and lose 30 or so pounds, them gradually paste it all back on again so I have to hate myself and start all over and never make any real headway.

STOP IT!!!!!

I haven't weighed myself this past week because I know I have gained a little bit. I can feel it.
I will step up on the scale and assess the damage in the morning. I'm keeping the calories low today and the liquids up so that I won't have the desire to throw myself in front of a moving train after I weigh in.

The weather this weekend has been wonderful.Warm for December in our neck of the woods. And that glorious sunshine... I've soaked up as much as possible by keeping the curtains open and sitting in a pool of sunlight while I'm working here at the computer. (Okay... I haven't been working ALL that hard, because I started playing stupid Zuma and, well... you know)
Took the mutts out for a walk this afternoon. Glorious! The snow has melted away and the grass is fooled by the warm temps to think it's time to grow again.

Even though it felt good to be out there walking, I can definitely tell that I've been eating crap. I can also feel that I need to walk more regularly. I want to progress physically, not regress back to where I started.

This go-round of getting healthy I have been much more mindful of how I feel physically.
It didn't take long - only a couple of days of avoiding sugar and processed stuff - to feel an energy boost. I can now feel the lack of that energy. Because I've been eating junk. Crap.
Again I say to myself. STOP IT!!!

I ordered me up a new coat that is way cute and on sale for a great price at a store online. It got here Friday and... I should have known this would happen...
it's too small. Fits around my big ass, but the arms are too tight.
I have really big arms for God knows what reason. My right arm is definitely bigger than my left and both arms have a hard time fitting into blouses, jackets, tops that fit my body.

15 pounds. That's all I gotta get rid of to wear my spiffy new coat. It's a charcoal colored double breasted bundle of warmth and fashion, and dammit I want to wear it!
This gives me the motivation I need to get my shit back in line and on track. Reminds me of what I want in my life.

Being fat isn't one of those things.

The coming of winter and the running of the Santas

2010-11-20T00:58:00.000-07:00

You know how you go through spells of needing to talk and express yourself and you just can't seem to write enough to get all your feelings out there?
Well, this is not that time for me.

Work is busy so my days are full. I'm trying to go in a different direction with my business/career/life, so much of my spare time in the evening is spent reading and putting into practice the stuff I'm learning about.
What it boils down to is: I'm self absorbed and boring in a geeky-nerdy sort of way.

I got myself all registered for the Santa Run next weekend. I am SO looking forward to this. According to the email update that I received, there will be about 600 Santas hot-footing it down the street in Ogden Utah a week from tomorrow.
We HAVE to finish the race within an hour, so I'll be pushing myself, but I am confident that I'll be just dandy fine.
Part of the registration fee pays for the Santa hat, beard, shirt/suit and belt. I ordered the 2XX, so the shirt should fit, but as a fat chick, there's always that fear that it's just ain't gonna. It's okay - I'm used to that. I think there are some pants involved too and I KNOW they won't fit. I have a lot of junk in my trunk - I'm not just pear shaped, I'm built like a Weeble. Which is good, cuz that means I wobble but I don't fall down.

In the DDD challenge, I have been off target in getting my water down. Even though I am drinking a lot, I'm still dehydrated because once your body gets used to all the fluids, it releases all the fluids that were stored - which is the reason for all the peeing - and now I'm not drinking enough to replenish. I can tell because my lips are chapped. A miserable way for them to be.
Note to self: Drink your damn water!

So tomorrow if it's not so cold that I'll freeze my ass off, I'll be taking the mutts out for a nice long trek to see just exactly how long it takes me to walk 3 miles. We've gone for a shorter distance a few mornings this week before work and they loooooove that. So do I, even though I hate, despise, detest, and loath being cold. Brisk is okay, though, and this past week has been mostly brisk. But winter is coming up real soon and I can feel my head pulling into my shoulders like a turtle hunkering down.
No! No, I won't hunker. I'll embrace the cold! I'll find a way to enjoy the wintertime if it means I have to buy some snow shoes and some long johns and some battery operated socks. I'm tired of spending six months of the year wishing it was the other six months.
It's either learn to rejoice and celebrate the winter, or move to a warmer climate - which is very appealing to me and not so appealing at the same time. Gah!

I see that the wonderful and tasty holiday foods have made their way to my local grocery store.
I'm good with that. Because Thanksgiving isn't just about turkey -which is good for you - and pie -which is good, but not good for you. There's yams too. Oh baby, loves me some yams, yes I do. Don't stick all that marshmallow crap on 'em either. Just the yams with some salt and pepper and a little bit of butter.
I think I'll be having some for lunch tomorrow.
You should have some too.

I'll know it's time to go down a size when I can't carry my phone in my pocket anymore because it makes my pants fall down

2010-11-10T23:07:00.000-07:00

Guess what!
I have baggy pants.
Awesome, huh?

I'm afraid I will look like a bag lady for a while because I refuse to shop for new pants when I'm only a few pounds away from wearing the next size down that's in my closet.
Yes, I have 3 complete wardrobes in my closet. The clothes I currently wear every day don't usually make it to the closet. They live in the chair. Seven black pants (complete with fashionable elastic waist) and an assortment of knit pullover shirts with long or elbow length sleeves makes up the extent of my wardrobe for the past 3 years. It's my uniform, that isn't really a uniform.
It's all wash and wear, baby. So I fold 'em and stack 'em in the chair.

But soon...
I will step into my very large closet and pull out a pair of slacks... slacks with a waistband. That's right. A waistband and a zipper. ooooooh.

So in case you were thinking about nominating me for What Not to Wear, you'll have to hurry up because it will only be a few more months until I start to dress with some sort of fashion sense.
************************************************

Everywhere I look everyone who's doing the DDD challenge is peeing their brains out. I have to admit I'm hitting the head a couple of times more than usual, but not in the extreme way I've been reading. I've already been drinking a lot, so a bit more liquid is not such a shock to my bladder.

I must admit, though, there have been a couple of times that I have performed the potty dance because, like a 3 year old, I wait until I can't wait anymore to go to the bathroom.
I'm busy.
I have things to do.
Someone's already in there*.
I was going to go and then a customer walked in and took FOREVER telling me what they needed. C'mon people, hurry up! I gotta pee!

Now that I've dispensed with that bit of TMI, I think I'll have one more glass of water before I go to bed.

*the Maxim magazines in the bathroom must be at least 5 years old by now. You guys have read them, probably have them memorized. Get the hell out of there!

The end of part one and the beginning of part two - or DDD, the sequel

2010-11-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

Sunday is my favorite day. I can sit here in my jammies until noonish or so and there's no guilt because it's Sunday.

It's the end of the second week of the DDD challenge and Madam leScale tells me that I'm sitting at the same number that I had last week. Bitch.
I know why. I'm not gonna sit here and whine and scratch my head and wonder what the gosh darn is going on - because I know.
I know that one meal involving fried chicken and biscuits will screw up an entire week if you're going by what the scale tells you. Bitch.

I also know that if I shrug it off and drink a whole bunch of water and up the protein, then tomorrow the scale will not be so cranky. By shrug it off I mean get back to my plan and not punish myself by purchasing and eating every box of crack that is on the shelves at Walmart. By crack I mean - marshmallow cookies, ice cream, giant box of J Mints, donut holes.... and the list goes on.
I will reward myself for being so darn smart and attractive by purchasing a bag of tasty coffee. Cheaper and I'll enjoy it so much more.

So now we come to the next portion of the DDD challenge.
I'm torn. Initially I wasn't going to sign up for this part because now we are being challenged to drink and drink and DRINK a lot of water. I have no problem with that. Gotta Pee is my middle name. You can't possibly drink as much water and coffee as I do and not gotta pee.
The part that I dislike is having to keep track of all of it. I can deal with drinking 100 oz of water. That's 4 or five 16 oz glasses.
I think I'm just being obstinate. I don't want to have to think about the other liquids. Argghhh.
That's what I like about the way I'm eating right now. I don't have to think about it.

One of the things that I am kind of bothered by here in the land of blogs is everyone's obsession with food.
They take and post photos of what they ate, what they didn't eat, what they wish they cook eat and what everyone else is eating but they are NOT because they are eating THIS (photo, of course)
Ah, but it's not just a photo. It's recipes too. The how-tos for items that should, shouldn't, were or wish they were, or ARE going to be made and consumed.
Or... they are tweaking recipes so that they can eat without huge guilt.

WTF people?

Reading what others are eating to be healthy is helpful to me. I like to know what is working for others.
Obsessing about all the stuff that WE ARE NOT CONSUMING and NEVER WILL AGAIN, seems a bit counter productive to me. Kind of a martyr-I'm being punished and deprived mindset goin' on there.
I don't feel that way at all.
I don't salivate over this stuff. No drooling, no hankering for the pink cupcakes (although they ARE very pretty)
It just makes me wonder why this is so prevalent. Why are people doing this to themselves? and to others? is this helpful in some way?
And most importantly...
Am I the only weirdo out there who feels this way? Am I supposed to feel sad and deprived? cuz I don't.

I have chosen to eliminate sugar and most processed foods from my diet. By doing this I have mostly eliminated the little voice in my head that was constantly nagging for food. (I need something sweet, then something salty, then something sweet again... I wonder what there is around here to snack on... let's go look in the fridge again, again, again.)
Oh, she pipes up from time to time, but I can shut her up by asking, "Are you hungry or bored?" at which point she slinks away to mutter to herself over there in the corner.

So after my little diatribe and some thought, I have rethinked and I WILL send Alan my stats and see what he comes up with as my recommended intake.
Hah! betcha thought I was going to take a pass on the challenge.

If the keeping track becomes too obsessive for me, I'll figure out how to make it work. Cuz, that's what I'm finding to be the most important lesson for me this time around.
Figure out what works for ME.

An award and a shameless plug. It's my blog... I can do what I want to.

2010-11-04T21:52:00.000-06:00

Good day today.

I got a ton of stuff done at work.
I stayed under my calorie limit without any problem. I guess when I'm that busy I don't think about food.

And...
I got an award!

That's right, if you're awesome sometimes you will be rewarded. Thanks Alan.

And now I'm going to throw out a shameless plug for my website.

If you'd like to win yourself a gorgeous set of my handmade Thanksgiving blocks, click on over to my business blog Writings on the Wall - the blog and leave me a comment and 'like' me on Facebook and you could be the big winner.

It's almost Friday already. Crazy how fast the week flies by.
I'm busy and happy and makin' my butt smaller, so yeah, life is good.

DDD end of the first week

2010-10-31T23:57:00.001-06:00

Hear that clompy clompity sound? that's me doing the happy dance all over the place.

My scale showed me a 5 pound loss for this week.
How awesome is that?
Pretty darn.

It's been cold and rainy and getting dark before I get home from work so I've had to break out the treadmill in order to get my walking in. I missed a couple of nights this week, but managed to get in two miles this afternoon - a combination of outdoors in the hail and the rest on the treadmill.
A small victory - I can comfortably walk at 3 mph on the treadmill. Last winter, and the last few times I was treading, I was really pushing to hit 2.5. This makes me happy because I need to walk at least that fast in order to complete the Santa Run in an hour. I'm about 20 pounds lighter than I was in the spring so I really do feel the difference and even though 3 mph isn't setting the world on fire, at least it's not setting my thighs on fire as they rub together.
All in all a successful week. Yay.

Oh yeah.... Halloween.
I get three trick or treaters ever year. These are my brothers children whom I adore so I spend ten bucks and buy them each a candy treat (big giant lolipop) and and non-candy treat (make-up for the girls. Yes, they are too young to wear it in public, but they squealed with delight and - hey, they ain't MY kids.)
So there were no bags of candy sitting on the table tempting me with their chocolatey ways.

I read a lot of other blogs. Many inspire me and some leave me shaking my head. I don't leave a comment if it isn't going to be positive or constructive, but then I don't comment a lot anyway.
I see a lot of women, since most are women, setting themselves up to fail.

Halloween is the perfect time to do that. You HAVE to have that candy in the house, right?
Wrong!
If you know it's going to drive you crazy sitting there in a bowl, why do you buy it?
I know, I know... the kids. The kids need the candy in order to partake in the holiday. I don't have kids of my own so I don't have the ready made excuse. Not only that, I don't get any trick or treaters, so a bag of Snickers bars would have been... for me. (even though I SAY they are just in case someone knocks on my door)
How often do you do that? Buy a bag of cookies- chips-candy, or stop for fast food, under the pretense that the rest of the family expects it.
I used to do that back in the olden days when I was married. I'd buy junk or bake bread because my husband would enjoy it. In reality he wasn't really a candy or junk food fan. So who was I kidding besides myself?
Now that I live alone I have to own up to the fact that every morsel of crap that enters my house is for me. And it always has been. It's pretty easy to snarf an entire bag of chips in an evening when there's no one there to see you do it. If you're a closet eater living by yourself... you're always in the closet where no one can see.

So onward to the second week of the Double Dog Dare Challenge. I'm gonna kick some ass again this week.

DDD Day 2

2010-10-26T23:36:00.000-06:00

Apples, cabbage, chicken, water... that's all.

I slapped the chicken breast on to the shipping scale at the shop so I'd have an idea of how many calories I'm snarfing between customers at lunchtime. (Thanks Chris)
Yep, it's a big piece of chicken at 12 oz, but grilled on the George with just a little garlic salt it's just under 400 calories. Had some again for supper with some coleslaw, an apple for afternoon snack and again after supper.
I like it simple.
Got my water, got some walking... I'm good.

Got no rants, got no deep thoughts.... so ya'll have a good night!

Okay, I have some thoughts, but they concern uploading files and tweeking website code, so even though it's borderline obsessive for me... I'll refrain from boring you to death.
Being distracted by work keeps me from thinking about food or anything else. It's good.

DDD

2010-10-25T13:21:00.000-06:00

Even though I have stayed completely away from any kind of sugary substances - or substances containing any kind of sugar, my scale insists that I am still eating too much.

Bitch. Cranky bitch. Why can't it tell me something nice, like how great my hair looks today or that teal is definitely my color?

Hmmm. Well now I'm mad.
I'm mad enough to take on a two week challenge.
The Double Dog Dare Challenge.
The rules are laid out over there on the sidebar so that I have to look at them and be reminded every day.

My math indicates that I can have no more than 1550 calories, which is more than I allotted myself in the first place, but evidently I'm being a little too generous with my portions. So now I will keep track of every morsel. I will weigh this ginormous chicken breast that I am about to eat for lunch so I will know exactly how much I'm eating. I will drink water like I know I should be drinking. Good healthy food in good healthy portions.

And I will see results - because I know this works.

I'm supposed to be walking, not talking or waving or...

2010-10-17T18:02:00.001-06:00

I just got back from my walk, so pardon me if my glasses steam up a little bit. I don't walk super fast or hard, but two miles is enough to get my heart pumping and evidently produce some sweatiness.
It has been beautiful outside for the past week. Perfect midday walking weather.

I love that I am stronger and able to walk further and much faster.
There is a downside, though.
The road that I follow along the edge of the hill is only half a mile long, so in and back only gives me a mile's distance. Yes, I could walk it twice, but how boring is that?
So in order to get two miles under my shoes in a single jaunt I have to walk along the main road for my second mile.
I don't care if people see me out walking. I'm sure they are all kinds of happy that the weird fat chick with the goat in her yard is getting some exercise.
That is not an issue.

I walk for me. I walk for my health. I love my walks. They are for me. I don't want to include anyone else in my bubble of solitude. I don't want to look at anyone else. I don't want to talk to the little boy who comes running out to say hi to me. I don't even want to be bothered with waving at everyone EVERYONE who drives past. (I do want to carry a big stick and beat the big weaner dog that runs out and snarls and barks and bears her teeth at me. Nasty bitch. Me or the dog? You decide.)

I'm not an unfriendly person. Stop laughing. I'm not. I like people. I talk to them all. day. long.
On the weekends and in the evenings and when I'm walking I'm not on the clock and I don't have to be nice. If you came to my house, I most likely would smile and be friendly because I'm happy to see you, but that is my choice. I don't HAVE to be.

So to counter the influx of neighborly friendliness while I'm out and about, I carry an ipod like device that pipes music directly to my ears and blocks most of the outside my head noise.
Years ago when I was young and skinny and ran alot, I preferred to get my exercise sans any kind of music. Of course, back then the music player was a Walkman cassette player - almost too big to fit in a pocket - and the earphones wouldn't stay in place on my ears.
I tried a portable CD player but the disks always skipped and the earphones were still the same.

Now? I love my Zune. Fabulous sound, small enough to tuck into my bra, and when someone attempts to call to me across their front yard to come over and chat - I just point at the earbuds in my ears, give a little shrug and keep on walking.

I know a lot of folks listen to energizing heart pumping kiss-ass music and some of my playlist consists of that kind of sound. Mostly I listen to the stuff that I love. It's a strange mix of old and kinda new, from country to classical to rock. I put it on shuffle so I never know what the next song will be.

When I walked the 5K a month ago I had my trusty music player with me. I laughed, but thought it completely appropriate when the first song at the beginning of the race was Queen's Highlander Theme "Here we are born to be kings, we're the princes of the universe." Awesome.

Every song on my list has some kind of memory or feeling associated with it. Happy stuff. Music that harkens back to time spent with family, road trips, or projects that I was working on when I found that particular piece of music.

It makes me look forward to my walk.
What's on your list?

Just this and that

2010-10-13T23:30:00.000-06:00

I had to hit the grocery store tonight cuz somebody ate all of my food. (Hey, I'm somebody!)

I'm a little burned out on chicken, so I pawed through the pork chops and found the package with the least amount of extraneous fat. Yes, I'm aware that pork isn't the best for weight loss because of the fattiness, but it is better than running amok through the bacon/sausage or cookie aisle because I am desperate for something - anything that will entertain my taste buds.
I spent a good five minutes drooling on the 7 layer dip and rationalizing that there's no sugar in the dip or the corn chips that would have to go with it. I'm mostly just cutting out sugar, right? Wasn't that the plan?
Yeah... that's gonna make it ok to eat an entire bag of tortilla chips and a billion calories of cream cheesey yumminess. Yeah.

Then I remembered my desire to reach a certain number on the scale by the end of the month and I walked away.
Think I'll high five myself right now for being so awesome.

I don't know why I'm mentally hungry today. It was a little slower at work, so perhaps it's just that I had time to think about food for the first time in a couple of weeks. Yep, I'm more of a boredom than stress eater. Gotta watch that little inclination of mine to fill up the spare minutes with food.

I bought a couple of big bags of apples. They're so cheap - and so GOOD! - right now. I should go back and buy a case of them. I'm eating at least two a day, so I'd definitely eat them all before they go bad.

Funny, I've lost the first 10 of many many pounds to lose and that makes me feel differently about myself. I feel like I stand up a little straighter. I definitely walk faster. My skin is looking better. I still need a haircut, but I'm much more attractive. Really.
Actually, I doubt that anyone can see any difference. But I see it and I feel it. That's the most important, isn't it?

I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and get up earlier so I can walk in the mornings because I need to walk further and I don't have time at night. I've been getting home about 6:35ish and we run right out the door and walk our mile, but it's not enough.
On the weekend I walked two miles both Saturday and Sunday, and I'm delighted to say it only takes me about 40 minutes, so my time has improved tremendously over what it was just a few weeks ago. It's very exciting to be able to see and feel so much progress in such a short time.

Life is good and I'm having a wonderful time learning to fully appreciate it.

Happy day

2010-10-10T01:32:00.000-06:00

I love the weekend!
I decided while I was walking this afternoon that September and October are my favorite months. The weather has been a little unsettled with some thundershowers here and there, but for the most part it is fabulous walking weather.
I'm sticking like glue to my plan and feeling fabulous. I haven't dropped enough weight for that to be making all of the difference. Getting some moderate exercise and cutting the sugar and crap from my diet is what has made this difference. And it's a huge improvement in the way I feel.

So far I don't miss anything that I have cut from my diet. I don't feel like I'm 'doing without' or working so hard or depriving myself. I'm just doin' my thing and living my life and it's pretty awesome.
My diet is quite limited right now and I will probably change my mind after a month or so, but right now this is an eating style that I can live with. I like it because I don't have to think about it.

I love food. I love GOOD food that is tasty and well prepared. I love to eat. I always will. I love chocolate and sweets and desserts and all forms of gooey sticky yumminess. I love salty and crunchy and covered with butter. I simply choose not to eat those things right now.

Since eliminating sugar and simple carbs, I'm discovering (again) that I don't have to think ~~obsess~~ about food. It's refreshing. It's liberating. It's fabulous to not be thinking about food all the time. All the time. All the time.

I know what I'm going to eat for breakfast - if I have breakfast.
I know what's for lunch, and I know what's for dinner.
So I don't have to think about it. If I get a little hunger pang... I grab an apple and ta-da! all taken care of.
If a get a hankering for something to nosh... I drink a glass of water, or grab a cup of coffee. That works too.

This sounds very simplistic and it is. I like that. Most others would consider it too be too too boring, but I don't mind. Lunch and dinner consist of a protein and a vegetable. I'm eating chicken this weekend because I bought a big ol' package on sale. Cauliflower and green beans and cabbage are the veggies of my choice for the next couple of days.

I live by myself (except for the mutts and the cat) so I don't have to accommodate anyone else's tastes, don't have to listen to any whining about what's for dinner. I don't have to fix an entirely different meal for someone who won't eat anything but 'taters and gravy. Sometimes this makes me feel a little guilty, because I don't have the excuse that the rest if the family won't eat healthy foods so I have to keep chips and cookies in the house and fix mac and cheese for dinner every night.
It's just me. I'm fat because.... ummmm... crap.
I'm fat because I let myself be this way.
crap.

But now, I can be healthy because I choose THAT instead.
Right now I've got my mojo goin' on and it's a piece of cake. I love it when I'm in this frame of mind.
I know it will become more challenging and my motivation will slip, because that's the pattern I always follow. Since I'm enjoying so many new things in my life, I think I'll try a new pattern. I like how I feel right now and I want to hold on to that with both hands and my toes.

Planning to participate in the Turkey Trot keeps me happily working right now, so I'll be finding something else to do to keep working toward in January or February.

I'd like to go to Wordcamp in Phoenix in January which most likely means flying down. Which means I need to be able to put my butt into an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt.
There's some motivation.
WooHoo!!! I might be able to keep my mojo after all.

Finding Motivation

2010-10-05T23:55:00.001-06:00

I'm feeling so energized and motivated these days!
I believe the body can heal itself if you get out of the way and let it do its job.
*I suppose I should put forth a disclaimer and say MY body will heal itself if I treat it well and feed it properly. Your body/mileage may vary. After reading about everyone else's ailments, I realize how blessed I am that I don't have a whole grundle of illness and bad things that I am dragging along on this particular journey so far.

I've been eating "clean" for a couple of weeks now. No bread, no pasta, no sugar. I can definitely feel the difference. My step is quicker and lighter - dodging traffic when I run across the road to fetch the mail has become so much easier.
I wake up feeling rested. I'm having a little trouble shutting down and going to sleep, but it's not making me tired.
I knew this would be the case. I've done this before a few ~~zillion~~ times. I'm hoping that by writing about it and having a few readers to feel accountable to I'll be able to remember how good this feels and not fall back into bad habits.

My current biggest motivator is this little event coming up Thanksgiving weekend.
Yes, folks, it's the Santa Run. I can't imagine what could possibly be more fun than a few hundred people wearing Santa hats, beards AND A SHIRT (I'm all about getting the shirt) and running/walking 3.2 miles. Then after that happiness is over we all stick around and watch the Christmas parade.

I just looked at the photos again and those folks have Christmas bells on their shoe laces. Christmas Bells! I want Christmas bells. I want to wear striped elf socks too. I think this will be a seriously good time.
Oh look! here's a video:

Rats! Now I'm all excited and I won't be able to go to sleep again tonight.

2 posts in 2 days! What is the world comin' to?

2010-10-03T22:00:00.002-06:00

I had to update my blog header.
It said "Training to run or walk or crawl a 5K event."
Well... been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

Now I'm training to walk and run a 5K event.
Progress is good. It seems like it takes forever, but when I look back just these few months it seems like no time at all since I was struggling to amble my way up the lane and back.

I feel fabulous. There is a definite increase in my energy level, ease of movement and stamina to do daily tasks. Say hallelujah!

I mopped my kitchen floor today.
BFD, you might say. Everybody mops the floor.
I mopped the floor and it didn't exhaust me. I mopped the floor and wiped down the cupboards and then I put my shoes on and went walking. I walked fast. I sweated a lot. I felt good. I still do.

And that leads me to a confession:
My house is an embarrassment. I hesitate to even write about this, because I always want everyone to think I'm perfect. Even though I know that YOU know that I'm not perfect, I don't want to admit to myself that you know. You know?
The past few years as I gained all my weight back and dealt with business issues and all the emotion and the kinda sorta depression that comes from being flat ass broke and big ass fat, I just didn't care what my house looked like. Didn't care. didn't care. So what. didn't care.
Nobody ever comes to my house anyway. Mostly because I make sure they don't. I never invite anyone over the age of 10 into the inner sanctum.
When the plumber had to come and fix my pipes, I was mortified because I started to look at my house through the eyes of someone who's never been here before.
OMG!
That was several weeks ago. I'm just now starting to feel like I'm able physically and more importantly - mentally to do something about this.

I'm sounding like I've been an invalid who can hardly take a step without aid, and that is just not the case. Aside from being grossly overweight, there's nothing physically wrong with me.
I've had some back pain when I walk or stand to do everyday chores, like wash dishes or sweep the floor, and it's going away as I develop some core strength from walking.
Maybe that's part of the issue with cleaning - it ain't gonna feel very good so I ignore the need.
Well, now I'm feeling better and I'm feeling a lot more motivated to do something about this mess.

Before you get completely grossed out... let me clarify that I do not have hoarding tendencies. There are no dead cats under a pile of garbage anywhere in my house. There is no poop or rotting food, pizza boxes or empty beer cans piled in the corner. My house does not stink (unless you count the yummy scented wax that is currently perfuming the premises. Thanks NeNe!)
There is some stuff in my fridge that's been there too long.
I desperately need to vacuum all of the rooms in the house. The chair in my bedroom has been filled with a pile of clothes since last December. In fact, I don't fold or hang my laundry... I stack it on the chair. This is the house of dust and dog hair. eck.
If I didn't have a goat to mow my lawn it would be 3 feet tall. As it is, there are some pretty awesome weeds growing by the steps. I may use one for a Christmas tree this year.
Old mail and some books and stuff I don't know what to do with covers the kitchen table. Boxes of paperwork and files that I have to keep...
Lazy girl clutter.

I've read and talked with friends about how what's going on inside is reflected on the outside. I really believe that's true. When I'm all trapped in my head and closed off, my living space reflects that. Mess and confusion on the inside = mess and confusion on the outside.
And I can totally ignore the mess. I know it exists, but I don't see it, or I can just ignore it. I'll worry about that tomorrow...
There are a few things in my life that recently have changed dramatically. Taking on a healthy lifestyle is a biggy, losing a whole bunch of emotional baggage (about 250 pounds worth) is huge too. I feel like a different person. I'm liking this person a whole lot. She's pretty awesome.

So...
Now you know my "dirty" little secret.
And just what exactly do I plan to do about it? Back to the baby steps aspect of my life. If I look at the whole enchilada it's too overwhelming. That's why I mopped the floor and straightened the kitchen. Tomorrow I'll do something else like, oh.... idunno... clear the table? Then that will feel so satisfying maybe I'll break out the vacuum. Might even wash my car.

It's like taking on a 5K. Run, walk or crawl, but do it. Then keep doing it and it will get easier and easier.

Walking and rambling

2010-10-02T21:58:00.000-06:00

Hey Grampa! What's fer supper?

Well, we got some chicken breast all grilled on the George and some brocolli steamed just right. A little dash of cajun seasoning to spice it up a little and an apple with cinnamon and fresh hot coffee for dessert.
Yum! Yum!

Yes, I'm old so I remember that old schtick from HeeHaw. I'd make it rhyme like Grampa Jones used to, but I still want to run to the store tonight and coming up with words that rhyme will take waaaaaay too much effort and too much time.

Dammit, Jim, I'm an artist, not a poet! (too much tv, maybe? nah!)

What a great day! I putzed around the house and went for a nice long walk and stayed on my plan. That's right. I. stayed. on. my. plan.
I have a really difficult time with that on the weekend. Mostly due to boredom and the desire to avoid all the stuff that I should be doing and don't want to do (thinking about housework here) so I postpone the drudgery by stuffing my face with whatever there is to stuff with. Only right at this time I got NUTHIN.

It was easy today because I am all jazzed up about dropping weight. Funny how when the scale is my friend I have oodles of motivation. Oooodles.
I'm basking in my oodles.

My walking time is my me time. I guess my brain has nothing else to do, so I mull over and process all the stuff that is going on in my life. Right now I have zero drama, so my mulling is about where I want to be and what I want to do in the next few months.
Pretty exciting stuff.
My goal is to eventually be working from home or wherever I may be. I have a couple of online businesses and I will be launching my webdesign venture in the near future.
I'm feeling so positive and having a wonderful time with my bad self. I'm sure it's irritating as hell to those around me. Sorry about that. I'll try to tone it down and not smile quite so much.

While I was walking, and about a mile from home, I realized what a blessing it is to be able to walk without pain.
When I first started walking again a few months ago, by the time I reached home after walking a mile my back was on fire. Not pleasant. Actually a bit scary. Which is why I kept walking.
A couple of miles makes me sweaty (eww!) but not tired and there's no pain.
I am grateful.

Even though I'm excited about dropping some tonnage, I still want to keep the focus of what I'm doing on my goal of running a 5K. I know, I started out here wanting to just walk it, but I've done that now and the next logical step is to improve my time and eventually be able to run the whole distance.
After that you KNOW I'm gonna want to do a 10K. Baby steps... don't want to get ahead of myself.

By keeping my calories down - between 1300 and 1400 per day - I will lose weight and that in turn will make it easier for me to run. My knees and ankles are thanking me already.

The practical side of me remembers that just by losing a few more pounds I'll be able to go shopping in my closet for a winter wardrobe. It's either that or buy some new clothes and I don't want to!
Even though I whine about the winter, I do love me some sweaters and a soft turtleneck.

I dream of wearing pants with a waistband. Really. I dreamed about it last night. I have terrific shopping dreams that are so real, it's disappointing when I wake up in the morning and realize that the gorgeous vintage red dress is not laying across my bed. sigh. (the voice of Yoda whispers in my ear.... "It will be. It wiiiilllll be.")

This has been kind of random, but that's the stuff I think about when I'm walking. and talking to myself.
Gotta go to the store....

I was exhausted so I went for a walk.

2010-09-30T23:02:00.000-06:00

I had a busy freekin' day at work. Come to think of it, it's been a busy week.

I like that. I'm grateful for it.

I spent the day prepping, cutting and applying lettering to a van, which is not a really big deal, cuz that's what I do. But, being a one person operation, I have to run outside, run back inside, run outside, run back inside to answer the phone, run back out to the van, run back in to talk to a customer, run back out to the van, back in to pick up the phone, back out, back in to get the next piece of lettering, back outside....
I need to dig up my pedometer and wear it on a day like this just to see how many steps I'm taking.
Legs are tired, my arms are tired, my brain is tired. You'd never think so, but sometimes my job is kinda sorta physically demanding.

But, I hit a kind of milestone tonight.
I came home and tired as I was, and despite the fact that Project Runway was about to start, I went walking anyway because I knew it would make me feel better. It would loosen up my back and shoulders and pep me up a bit.
Not to mention the fact that I cannot bear to look at the reproachful and sad doggy faces that stare at me for hours if I skip our walk. Guilt is a huge motivator.
This is a milestone because I have reached the mindset and level of fitness (no laughing) where I would rather put my walking shoes on and go down the road than park my fat butt on the couch.

I also realize that this beautiful weather and the daylight after work are not going to last much longer and I want to walk every step that I can out there in the sunlight.

Winter is just around the corner. sigh.
I'm tired of hating the winter. I don't have to love it, but I can adapt and thrive and be happy even when it's cold and snowy outside.
I have plans for a sun lamp or two or three so that I don't get that seasonal depression thing. One by the treadmill, one somewhere in my office at work and one right here in my office at home.
I plan a couple of short vacays to warmer climates which will be a total switch for me cuz I never go anywhere.
Maybe, just maybe I'll realize I love the winter.
It can happen. Really.

How do you like them apples?

2010-09-26T17:30:00.000-06:00

Ode to the Honey Crisp

I love your glossy pink, red and yellow skin with the little highlights that tell of your fresh from the tree goodness.
I love your almost perfectly white flesh. So crispy-crunchy and oh so satisfying when I bite.
I love LOVE your sweet sour mix of perfect proportion that dances on my tongue and creates a party in my mouth again and again with each delicious crunchy bite.
Nature's candy. So divine.

I love the fact that there is a HUGE box of you and your friends all for me.

It's apple season. The very best time of the year.

My first 5K, but not my last

2010-09-20T23:44:00.001-06:00

Saturday morning.
My eyes pop open.
It's dark.
I squint at the clock on my cell phone.
3:30. Aack! Too early. Go back to sleep.
Wake up again.
Now it's 4:30. Still too early.
I was a little keyed up and I hate having to set an alarm because I always wake up throughout the night so that the alarm doesn't startle me.

Finally, at 5:30 the magical musical cell phone alarm went off and I kinda sorta slid off the bed and groped my way into the kitchen to build some coffee so that I could attain consciousness and get dressed and ready to go and take part in my very first 5K experience.

I was faced with the drinking dilemma: I needed to stay hydrated, but had no idea what kind of potty emergency might ensue if I drank a bunch of water that early in the morning. So I opted for coffee. Drink coffee now, water after. Avoid an embarrassing situation. Hopefully. Will they have porta-potties? (These are things I worry about, folks.)
With all of this anxiety you'd think I was planning a two week expedition into the wild, not an hour's activity in the middle of town.

Grabbed a second cup to go, my MP3 player, and my non-walking shoes for my trip to the lumber store after the big race and I was off. Oh yeah... water the goat on the way to the car. Then I was off.

What a beautiful morning! The 30 minute drive over the hill was just lovely. I'm always surprised, though I shouldn't be, by how many people are out driving around at 6 in the morning. I'm starting to see that there could be something to this quiet early morning stuff. I might even get up before the butt crack of dawn some other time just to sit on my steps and drink coffee.

So... I found the park where the race was to start and there was NO PLACE to park my car anywhere in the vicinity. I didn't realize this particular event was such a big deal. Lots of cars, lots of people.
Fortunately, NeNe called me and talked me in so that we could park close together and walk to the starting place. My biggest concern was that if I have to walk a mile to get to the race... um... that almost finishes me off before we get started. (deep breaths - more anxiety)

Got ourselves registered, got my number and my t-shirt which is lovely and bright yellow and about 50 pounds away from fitting me. No matter. That's why I'm here.

Ready, Set, Go!
I started walking and all of the rest of the crowd ran past me and left me far behind. Just me and a guy on crutches who also outdistanced me before too long.
I think I've mentioned before... I'm kind of a slow walker.
I could walk faster, but didn't want to feel like total sh!t by the end of the race. So I kept up a brisk (for me) but steady pace and listened to my music and waved at the nice policemen who made the little walking man appear for me at the crosswalks - and totally enjoyed myself.

Our race course took us along Main Street in beautiful downtown Logan. It really is beautiful. And... I had no idea there were so many interesting little restaurants on Main Street. Great. I'm entered in the race to get healthy and along the way I find a new bakery, a deli, an Indian restaurant and a couple of other tasty looking places to eat.
The kids at the water tables ran out to hand me some nice cold water and to cheer me on, and yes, there's the porta in case I needed it - which I didn't (just in case you were wondering.)

Since I was already NOT breaking any speed records, I paused briefly to capture a few pictures. This one turned out the best.

So... I finished dead ass last. But I finished.
I felt terrific and not really very tired. The kindness and cheers and good spirits of all the people along the way was amazing. Everyone kept telling me "Keep going, you can do it!" and I felt like kind of a fraud because I knew I could do it. It is after all, only 3.2 miles. No big deal.

But, it is a big deal, because 3 months ago I would NOT have been able to do it. Yay me!

NeNe finished the race in pretty good time, so she walked back to find me and finish the last few blocks with me. That was very nice. My favorite part.
Of course after working so hard we were famished and adjourned with a few of NeNe's friends to the place of awesome breakfasts. I'm happy to say that I could only eat about half, so took the rest home for another meal. However I did hog part of NeNe's scone which was bigger than my head. I'm not sorry. After a month of no bread, it was SOOoooo good my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I'm pretty sure there was a chorus of angels singing softly in the background. (If removing bread from my diet makes a scone taste this good, it's worth the abstinence for a taste every 3 months or so.)

Now I have the 5K bug and I want to do it again in November.
My time Saturday was 1 hour and 10 minutes. I know I can beat that.
I want to lose as much weight as I can by then so that I can start to run, so that I can run at least part of the race, so that I will not be the old fat chick that everyone thinks might keel over at any minute. So I can be the person cheering someone else on. "You can do it! Yay you!"
And maybe next time I won't finish last.

Can we talk about dieting? and will you NOT roll your eyes at me when I do?

2010-09-13T22:54:00.000-06:00

5 more days until my first 5K.
I'm nervous. I know I can do it. It's further than I'm used to walking, but I can do it. I'll be tired at the finish. My feet will hurt, but I'll have a big smile on my face.
I'm hoping I'm not the only slow person in the line-up, but I'm okay if that is how it is.
It's only 3.2 miles and I am excited to accomplish this.

I plan to be more restrictive in my eating this week. No sugar at all and few carbs. The intention is to feel energized and strong on Saturday morning. So for this week at least, meat, fruits and veggies are us. and water water water.

I had an interesting conversation at work this afternoon concerning losing weight and motivation.
I'm in full blown getting healthy mode right now, and I'm trying not to be completely obnoxious about it as I always tend to be. (Hey, I'm excited about this and I want everyone else to be too!)
I was telling my friend about my upcoming 5K and my attempts AGAIN at losing this extra person that I'm carrying around.
I guess I just want someone else to do this with me. Not the race, but the getting healthy. Except for NeNe, who is getting to be in pretty good shape and who will be RUNNING the 5K with me, I never have any takers. That doesn't stop me from annoying everyone around me by talking about it, though. Poor things.

We were talking about being in the right mindset to want to lose weight, be healthy, have an active life... and she made me feel a little sad for her, because she couldn't see any reason or any way that it would make her life any better.
Really? Seriously?
I think there's fear involved with that. Losing weight brings about some enormous changes in your life. You feel differently about yourself, people treat you differently. I embrace that. I can't wait for that. In fact, I already see and present myself differently and I haven't really progressed very far. I've gained confidence just by stepping out.
Her fear? (and this is just MY opinion and could very likely be completely wrong) She's afraid of those changes. She's afraid that by losing weight and developing some self esteem she will have to make decisions that she's not ready to make. Maybe later, but not right now. Cuz, believe me, her life isn't so wonderful that it can't possibly be better. I think she's very unhappy. (again, I may be totally off base. but I'm not.)

Me? I say "Bring in on, baby!" I've been bringing about change for the last few months and I'm ready to run full speed ahead.
Well... walk. I'll walk full speed ahead. Okay, maybe not full speed, but a nice steady brisk pace that will bring me to the finish line where I will partake of the bottled water and claim my free T-shirt.

How many calories are in a box of donuts? I don't really need to know, I just need a catchy post title

2010-09-09T22:49:00.000-06:00

Tonight's walk was a little dampish and cool. It's been raining off and on since early this morning. Perfect weather for a nice brisk walk. And the smells! Oh my goodness! Sagebrush and rabbit brush and grass and hay. Awesome, I tell you!

I've been reading many blogs here and there in my quest for inspiration to stick with my regimen. I see lots of folks who have had great success counting calories. They limit themselves to a certain amount per day, typically anywhere from 1200 to 2000 calories, and when that number is reached, they are done eating.
I also see folks who are trying to count calories - and not doing so well. In fact they are failing miserably.

I know that scientifically a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. The 200 cals, I get from eating a cookie are just the same as the 200 cals I take in from eating a chicken breast. Right? Is that right?
Yes this is a trick question.

Technically it's true. Nutritionally it obviously is not true.

In the grand scheme of appetite control and foods that trigger overeating... that there cookie - at least for me - is way more than 200 calories because I won't eat just one cookie. I'll eat the cookie and then I will spend the rest of the day thinking about the rest of the cookies in the box or the pop-cycles in the freezer, the bread on the counter, the can of leftover frosting (from two weeks ago, eww!) and the.... whatever else happens to be in my vicinity.

Which leads me to say:
What the hell is the matter with me?
Since we don't have hours to go deeply in to that little question, let's just say I don't know why I'm that way, I just know that I am.

I don't think I'm alone in this. I think sugar is a big trigger for a lot of people.
Oh, but it's not just sugar. It's refined carbs like potato chips and breads and all of the other things that I think I love, but in reality I can do very well without.
Drugs! sugar is my crack! I'm ashamed to say that if you were to see me prowling my kitchen some weekends, that's exactly what you'd think. Dear Lord, sometimes I have a ~~crack~~ sugar attack and there's NO junk food in my house. Actually, if I have a bag of flour, a cup of sugar and the oven I'm still teetering on the edge... I know how to make a cookie. (Fortunately, I'm far to lazy to go to that much effort.)

If I keep fruits on hand, they usually satisfy without making me want other stuff. Grapes and apples are my favorite. A cookie made with protein powder works for me too.

I haven't been counting calories, but as I'm walking and working toward getting more active I'm thinking I will make an effort to keep track and keep myself under 1400 calories just to see if that speeds things along a little bit.
I know I will still need to avoid the carbs that are triggers as I do this or I'll feel deprived and I'll be setting myself up to fail.
For me a calorie isn't just a calorie. It really does depend on where it comes from.

My very first 5K comin' up on the 18th

2010-09-06T23:59:00.000-06:00

Lest you think I'm slacking, because I haven't been posting....
You are so wrong! Wrong Wrong Wrong!

The weather has been so wonderful and autumnal and brisk and bright and cool, how could I not be out there enjoying my walking path?

NeNe put me on the spot and asked if I am actually going to take part in an upcoming 5K that we have discussed for the past couple of months.
Well.... heck yeah!
I sent my 25 smackerinos via the interwebs to the fine folks who are running the Top of Utah race on the 18th. Yes, the 18th of this month. Less than 2 weeks away now.
Dear Lord. I'm a little nervous, but I have a financial investment here, so yep, I'm gonna do it.

I bumped my distance up to 2 miles this weekend and it's pretty doable for me.
I want to do 3 miles next weekend to see how long it's going to take me so I'll map out a 3 mile course for myself and pick out some groovin' tunes to walk to,

I can do this. I'll probably bring up the rear of the race cuz I'm a slow walker. That's okay. I'm doing it and that makes me proud of me.

A Hippopotamus in Ballet Shoes

2010-08-08T10:19:00.001-06:00

Remember the movie Fantasia with all the fun cartoon shorts set to classical music? One of my faves. I especially love the "Sorcerer's Apprentice" part. You know, where Micky brings the broomsticks to life and they go crazy and fill the whole place with water...

Then there's the hysterically funny one that features a ballerina hippopotamus being carried and twirled by some very frazzled and unfortunate alligators. I love that one too.

Sometimes I live that one. Only then it doesn't seem so funny.

Thursday morning at work, a "gentleman" came in to my shop to inquire about having some signage done. Being the typical sort of customer, I had to play twenty questions with him until I finally got him to tell me what he was actually looking for.
It turns out that he needs the name of his business - which happens to be a bar - painted on the side of his
building.

First of all - we have a bar in town? Where? How come I didn't know this?

So then, after further grilling I get him to tell me that the lettering would need to be up above some windows so it would require working from a scaffold.
I've done quite a bit of this type of work, but not for a few years.

"Can you do this?" he asked me.
"Yes, I can do it." I replied, all the while thinking that I really don't want to and don't have the time to do it.
"YOU work from a scaffold?" he said.
"Yes." says me, being oblivious, now trying to think of the name of that one guy that I know who does murals and stuff.
"You. YOU work from a scaffold? You yourself."

I'm starting to wonder what the hell is the matter with this guy. Yes, I can do hand lettering. Yes, I have done it many times. Actually, I'm pretty damn good at that sort of thing.

Oh.

Now the light comes on.
He's looking at me and my fluffiness and thinking there's no way on God's green earth that I would be able to hoist my bulk up a ladder, let alone climb and work from a scaffold ten feet in the air.

Asshat.

See, sometimes I forget that I am a larger than average woman.
In my mind I am talented and capable. Like the Hippo. Graceful. Swan-like. Practically a gazelle in stretch pants.

Thank God there are people like this man - this man who looks like his baby will be born any day now and then he'll be able to see his feet again - who can bring me back to reality. People who see me the way I really am and who don't hesitate to let me know that I am taking up too much space.

Thank you sir, for pissing me off so seriously that I am motivated to stay on plan no matter what.

I gave him the name of the person who I think would do a terrific job for him, which is what I intended to do in the first place. I don't have the time or inclination to be away from the shop for the hours it would take to do the painting out in the hot hot sun.
I hope it costs him an arm and both legs.

Nothing ever stays the same - Thank God for that.

2010-08-06T00:06:00.001-06:00

My broken pipe has been mended. I can once again walk hard and shower afterward.
Tends to make one very very grateful for something so simple and taken for granted as indoor plumbing.

There's some big changes taking place here in Becky world. Laws yes.
Exciting and stressful all at the same time.

For the past seven years I've been blessed(?) with the company of a roommate/employee. Weird relationship. Even I don't understand it. Really.

Ten days ago he announced that he is moving out and away.

My first reaction to this revelation was: holy crap! I'm gonna have to do EVERYTHING at work all by myself. Instant panic and mild freak out.

My second reaction was: YEEHAW!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!!!!! and then I had to stifle the urge to happy dance because he was sitting right there talking to me and that would be just a trifle tacky.
Right now he's at a trade show until Saturday. Sunday morning he'll put his bed, his computer and the three boxes of stuff that he owns into a truck and be on his way to a new and hopefully wonderful life.

Godspeed. Good luck. I wish him happiness.

Now...
About me. Cuz after all it's ALL about me.
I feel like I'm starting a new life too.
I'm still nervous about being able to handle everything at work all by myself, but I've got skills and I'll be just dandy fine. I've been running it mostly by myself for a long time, so other than the fact that there's no one to bounce ideas off of, it won't be any different. (okay, that's a lie. I'll have to climb the ladder to do high stuff. I don't do ladders so good.)

I have waited and ranted and prayed for this for a long time. My friend J reminded me of this when I called her so that she could make me laugh and make me feel like a capable human being. Best friend therapy works wonders.

So I'm on my own again. (giggle)
God, I love it. I'm sitting here in my underwear right now. I can vacuum the floor at 6 in the morning if I want to and not worry about disturbing someone else. I can walk to the kitchen completely nekkid if I want to. (sometimes I want to) yay! I can play six hours of John Denver and not have him change the music if I leave the room for 2 minutes. I already have plans to move my treadmill into his room. I can leave for work when I'm ready - not have to wait for him.

I'm not afraid of living or being alone, cuz I've done it before. (besides, I have the dogs and Kitty Magoo) I'm looking forward to spending time with myself. To being selfish and doing what I want without having to consider someone else. I want to learn to be who I am and not change and morph myself into someone else when "somebody" comes in to my life.
Even though this man was just a roommate, there was still an emotional dynamic that was very obvious. People would assume that we were married or at least partners, but no. Oh hell no.
Frankly we are both pretty sick of each other and I'm delighted he finally got the nads to move on. I'm certainly ready for it.

Since everything is all about me, I'm paying particular attention to my eating and wanting to eat when I'm not hungry. So far it hasn't been a problem because I've been pretty stressed and the one thing I have learned about myself is that I am not a stress eater. I tend more to stuff my face when I am bored, or feeling complacent or even somewhat dissatisfied or frustrated. Not feeling that right now.

I'm pretty darned motivated to continue with my plans to be healthy and active.
I want to do some painting and fixing here in my house and at my work. Yes, I could have done this stuff when he was here.... but I couldn't. It doesn't make sense, but that's how it is/was.
I almost feel like I'm being let out of a cage. It's not nearly as traumatic, but it has much the same feeling that I experienced when I got divorced. Scary, happy, sad, ecstatic.

Again I say Yay Me!

Pick an excuse - ANY excuse will do...

2010-08-01T16:26:00.000-06:00

Good afternoon!
Welcome to the House of Excuses!

I have, without much effort, stayed on the plan that I have set up for myself. I'm doing well. Been eating in a healthy manner and walking and drinking gallons of water. I've even dropped a few pounds.
Butt...
I missed my walk yesterday and I feel guilty about it.
Why did I skip my exercise? Good question. I have an excuse, but it's just that. an excuse.
Wanna hear it?
Of course you do.
I skipped my morning walk yesterday because I have a broken pipe under my house, therefore the water is shut off and therefore I cannot take a shower. And believe me, after I go walking I need one.

It's lame. I know. I've slapped myself a few times and given myself "The Talk" about letting life's little issues sidetrack me from attaining my goals. If I happily glom on to this little inconvenience as an excuse to be a slacker, how am I ever going to make it through the winter when I won't be able to walk outside? How will I ever be able to stay with this healthy lifestyle that I've chosen for myself?
This has me really thinking and searching inside my head for some of the reasons for this behaviour. To an extent I think it's just a matter of getting past my former thinking pattern. I've always automatically accepted any half-assed excuse to splurge on my eating or skip a workout. It's just what I do. So, of course, that's what I did yesterday.
Well I'm NOT gonna do that today.

So tonight I'll be going for my walk as soon as it cools down outside and I'll come back and enjoy a kinda-sorta refreshing sponge bath to de-stinkify myself.
Then I'll chug down a whole bunch of water and feel all smug and proud of myself for going after what I truly want.
Yay me!

so here's the plan

2010-07-21T23:40:00.000-06:00

Ahhh!
I've been for my walk, watered the goat, kicked my shoes off, had a little supper and now I'm here in front of the computer with a bunch of sweet red grapes.
Life is good.

I've only dropped a few pounds since I started walking every day, but I am not discouraged. I feel stronger when I walk. I'm not out of breath when I walk. Breathing faster, yes, but puffing and panting - no.
Some of the puffiness has gone down in my legs. My feet are a little smaller so my slip on shoes fit more comfortably. My pants are looser. Even though this is a bit of TMI, it's my blog so I'll say it anyway - my boob stays in my bra now. (Some day I'm going to do a little rant about extra large size clothing.)

I wake up every morning feeling rested and ready to get on with my day. If I keep this up I'm going to be positively cheerful in the mornings. Nah...

The more mileage I put on my feet, the more concerned I am with developing that planter fac@#$%#s thing that happened when I was walking before. I have the advantage of starting out this time with much better quality shoes, but I'm still concerned that my feet are going to turn in to two boat sized pieces of pain. That heel bruising inflamation stuff is nothing to sniff at.
And what is the best way to avoid that, one might ask?
Lose some weight!

Since it's already been established that I am basically lazy, my desire to count calories at this point (maybe further along) is a big fat Idontwanna. So for now I'm not gonna.
What I am going to do, though, is be conscious of every morsel that finds its way in to my mouth.
Basically:
Fruits. Vegetables. Proteins - meat and eggs and nuts. Whole grains in small amounts. Some dairy. Water in large quantities and coffee in moderate quantities.
No white flour. No processed foods. (I'm looking at you, Mr. Chips!) No sugar.
I will take a detour once a week and eat out. That way I won't hate my life.
I know this looks to be pretty strict, but it's not really. There are so many good things in season right now I won't feel deprived at all. Those grapes I just ate are like candy, they are so tasty and sweet.

I will follow this outline for the next month and drop some weight so my feet won't feel so picked on. I know I can stay with this and feel good while I'm eating so clean because I've followed this self made plan before and dropped 100 pounds doing it.
I'm excited to keep making progress. This process affects all of my life, not just my weight. It's very empowering.

It's wonderful to see some progress

2010-07-19T23:33:00.000-06:00

I broke through a wall last night.
I walked my usual mile with the dogs and still felt so energized that I stuffed the pups into the house and went back out to walk another mile.
It was awesome! It was painless. It was effortless.
It was 2 miles all at the same time. I haven't been able to do that for over a year.
Yay Me!

When I got home I was a sweaty mess.
AWESOME!

Hopped into a tepid shower to cool off.
BLISS!

We walked our usual mile tonight. My legs are a little tired and my rear end is feeling the effects of the butt-working shoes. Now if I could just find a bra that firms up my boobs while I'm walking... that would be a priceless piece of equipment.

I plan to get up in the morning in time to walk as well. I'm really loving this.
I love moving so easily and I really really look forward to listening to the music on my Zune. It's a time I can be just in my head and not really think about anything at all except the music that lifts my heart.

I don't listen to typical hard pumping/walk fast music. Right now Linda Eder is on my play list. The sound quality is terrific and some of the musical passages are so beautiful... brings tears to my eyes. (I know... insert retching noises here) Can't help it, I loves me some show tunes.

It's fabulous how when I focus on moving, the eating kind of takes care of itself.
The hot weather helps too, I suppose, because I just want to drink and eat light juicy stuff. Fruits and salads and stuff like that.
- Although I did eat a small steak for supper. I had to. I needed the protein so I'd have the strength to watch the Bachelorette without keeling over from rolling my eyes too far back in my head.

One more glass of water and I'm off to bed. Gotta hit the walking path in the morning while it's cool outside.

New tunes and new experiences coming my way

2010-07-15T23:54:00.001-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I pried open my checkbook long enough to let some moths fly out and order myself a new mp3 player for my walking enjoyment.

My old player? Well... I hate it. It's hard to page through and find what I want to listen to. The battery is getting so that it won't fully charge or hold a charge so it's the perfect excuse for me to buy NEW STUFF.
I love new stuff.

So I bopped on over to Ebay and ~~got down and dirty~~ searched up and purchased the most perfect little pink Zune for a very good price. If there's anything I like better than new stuff, it's new stuff that I ~~sniped out from under~~ got for an exceptional price.
Of course, after making my purchase, I run - or walk briskly - to the mailbox to see if it has arrived yet.
Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? How 'bout now? Now?

It gives me a reason to get up in the morning if I'm expecting something in the mail. Kinda like sending away for the prize that was offered on the back of the Sugar Puffs box when you were a kid.
"Please allow four to six weeks for delivery."

How did we ever survive?
I'm a big fan of anticipation, so I enjoyed my little race out to the mailbox every day to see if my player had arrived and after only ten days... Ta Daaaaaa!!! There it was sitting on my work table when I arrived at work. (Yeah, it would seem that I really didn't need to run to the mailbox every day, even though it's good exercise, because the mail delivery person was kind enough to bring it inside for me instead of leaving it out there in the box next to the extremely busy road where just about any yahoo passing by could shove their hand in and swipe my awesome new toy.)

So after downloading the program that is necessary to use this marvelous musical device and then cursing the same program because it mostly wants me to buy new music instead of installing the music I already have... I figured out how to transfer my favorite tunes and a couple of ebooks and now I'm groovin' while I'm truckin' along down the road.
I like listening to stories while I walk. I just finished with Ink Spell, the follow up to Ink Heart. And I'll start Ink Death, the next in the series in a couple of days. (These books are read by Brendan Fraser who has WONDERFUL book reading skills and a very very sexy voice.)

Tonight I enjoyed some John Denver. There are so many memories and emotions tied up with his music. It makes me happy and is very motivating for me too.

So yesterday I purchased my ticket to WordCamp in August.
It's an all day Geekfest where I can hang out with a whole bunch of 20 year olds who will look at me and wonder who brought their mom along. But I don't care about that. It will give me a chance to talk to people about web design and coding and I can ask questions and pick a few brains. So exciting.

It's also motivation for me to lose some weight before this event. It's not like I'm gonna be a skinny girl in 6 weeks, but I can be a little less large. These past few years I have avoided any kind of social gathering like this because I don't want to come away feeling like a big large huge FAT icky woman-thing.
It's possible that I may come away with this feeling, but I don't HAVE to feel that way, now do I? It's completely within my power to have a terrific time, make new friends and learn a bunch of new geek stuff.

This is part of the inner work that I still have to deal with while I'm getting healthy and strong. I'm not sure if I avoid social situations in order to avoid feeling like a fat cow - or - I keep myself all big and cow-like in order to avoid social situations. Gah!!! It's a ginormous vicious circle that goes round and round.
Let's just jump in there and find out what happens, then, shall we?
Looks like that's what I'm gonna do.

I'd leave the dogs home, but I can't handle the guilt

2010-07-13T00:32:00.001-06:00

A mile in the morning and a mile at night. Every day.
Well, I must confess I took a day off on Sunday. It's my observation that for my own self, if I push until walking feels like work, like trudging through sand, like each step is taken wearing lead weighted shoes... well it's time to give my body a break.
So I take a day off.
Then when I'm back to it Monday morning I can actually feel some progress. My mile goes a little faster and a little easier. Yes, easier.

Years ago I would never have believed that the simple task of walking for 30 minutes would be so much like hard work. Most of the reason it's difficult is because I am carrying an extra person along with me. As my muscles grow stronger and my weight drops, it will be easy again. I can hardly wait.

I should have headed out a little earlier this morning, because at 8:30 it was already a little too warm.
Sweating profusely makes it very easy to drink all of the copious amounts of water that are so good for me. Before I left for work I had already consumed about 48 ounces.

This evening it was nice and cool and a little breezy. Just perfect. So I donned my walking shoes, grabbed my Zune and herded the mutts out the door.
Okay, maybe it wasn't as perfect as it would have been a few minutes earlier. It would seem that the skunks are starting to stir at this time in the evening. I wasn't really paying too much attention, cuz I was listening to my story and puffing along and giving Skooter a tug on the leash once in a while when Sweety came racing across the hayfield so very very proud of herself... ewwww! Short fat stinky dog!
Sigh.

It's not really my idea of a good time giving the dog a bath at 10 o'clock at night, but she didn't really seem to mind, in fact she was really groovin' on the part where I was toweling her dry.
That's the second time this year. I hope we don't have too many repeats of this.

FYI
Baking soda, peroxide and a little bit of dish soap will de-skunkify a dog very effectively.

Now she's all soft and shiny and happy cuz she thinks I gave her a bath because I LUV her.
Knot head.

Oh yeah...
My scale says we've dropped 4 pounds this week. WooHoo!!!!

Don't mind me, I'm just rambling a little

2010-07-07T22:15:00.000-06:00

Another two miles today.

I'm loving the morning walking. I used to do that every day several years ago and I'm not sure why I quit. Lazy? Yeah, kind of. I was working some crazy late hours and it was easier to sleep in an hour or so than drag my weary butt out of bed and get moving. Gained a whole bunch of weight back- after finally feeling good about myself.
Eventually I got to a place in my head where I just didn't care.

Now I care. I want change and nothing changes if you don't do something different. Right? Right.

I seem to go through this same pattern every year. Right about now - early summer - I start to feel motivated and start putting some miles on my walking shoes. Lose weight feel great. Life is good.
Then.... dun dun dun...
The winter comes and I hate the cold and I whine about that a lot and I nest up and eat for the next six months until gain the weight back and I feel crappy and tired of myself and start the whole thing over.

How do I break this cycle? I'm good now till the end of the year, so I have a few months to figure it out.
The phrase "Know Thyself" has a lot of meaning here.
I know how I am. I know how I will be a few months from now if I don't start thinking in a different way.
I do not want to keep repeating this over and over.
Every year I'm another year older, so if I intend to have any sort of healthy life I have to do it now.
I am doing it now.

I have goals dammit! I have things I want to do!
I have this vision of me running down the road with my earbuds jammed in my ears and my ponytail bobbing and swaying on the back of my head and the feeling of total joy and power that comes when you get that runner's high.
Yeah, I want that.

Just checking in

2010-07-06T23:21:00.000-06:00

Still walking.
The weather this past weekend was so ultra fabulous... it couldn't have been more pleasant. It makes getting my ass out there on the road a whole lot easier. Once the hot summer heat comes back, that's when the true test of commitment comes in.

I woke up early enough this morning to get a mile in before work. Loved it!
And then another mile after work this evening. That was a little more work. My legs and butt were trying to remind me that we had already been for a walk today and the butt shrinking shoes certainly make their presence known when I'm a little on the tired side.
Too damn bad! Suck it up girl friend!

I still want to be able to walk 3 miles by the first weekend in August. That's not too far away so that's why I've started doubling up for the day.

Then in September, NeNe and I will take our little selves over the hill and run/walk in the 5K Nordic Trail (?) event.
I'm very excited to do this. I'm excited to be making some progress.
I'm anxious to get rid of this damn weight that is dragging me down and making me tired and slow.

These Boots (shoes) were meant for walkin' and that's just what they'll do...

2010-06-28T00:32:00.000-06:00

I've been walking every day and feeling like such a martyr because even though I'm out there achieving my daily distance and feeling super-dooper proud of myself for it, I haven't been enjoying it.

I've been hanging in there thinking that in another few days the pain and stress in my back will start to dissipate and I'll be able to start walking faster and adding some distance instead of trudging and hating every step.
Patience, Grasshopper. All good things will come in time... yada blah blah blah.

Well....
Friday I gathered up some determination and put my commitment and my wallet to the test. I bought some new shoes.
Since I know the value and importance of wearing good shoes - trust me, those $10 Walmart cheapies are gonna kill ya - I wandered into the wonderfulness otherwise known as Shoe Carnival.
Bliss. Rapture! Rows and rows of pretty footwear. All for me!
My own shabby shoes immediately tried to hide their dirty, broken down lumpiness under the changing bench. And who can blame them? Poor overworked babies. I didn't realize how horrible they were until I saw them amidst all the shiny new shoes.

I had intended to buy the same brand - Avia - because I like the way they fit me - and as close to the same style as I could get. Oh yeah... I also intended to keep the price down as low as I could.
Yeah, right.
I was immediately pulled into the gravitational field of the awesome Sketchers with the rounded bottom that is designed to wear your big ass and legs clean down to nothin'. I tried to escape. I backed away, I averted my eyes, but they were still pulling me toward them. My hands were pulled to the box with the label that said 9.5 W. Curses! They are available in a wide width.
I took the box with it's magical occupants over to the changing bench (where my ugly old shoes lay trembling in an embarrassed heap) and put my feet into the awesome butt toning shoes.
Ahhhh! they felt good. Cozy and snug. I stood up to walk. They felt weird. That rounded sole would take some getting used to.
I took a step... they felt like I was wearing Frankenstein's big old clunky metal boots. Them suckers are considerably heavier than the light little skipping-hopping-walking shoes that I am used to wearing.

Hmmm... maybe these aren't for me after all. Big clunky heavy orthopedic-oxford type shoes just ain't what I had in mind. I wore those in 4th and 5th grade and I have no desire to relive that experience. (They didn't correct anything either, I'm still knock-kneed and pigeon toed.)

But the gravitational pull was still fierce and it pulled me back in again.
Aha!
There! further down the aisle, snuggled right next to the Sketchers are my beloved Avia brand shoes. With the same butt shrinking abilities.
Score!!! they are lighter in weight. They fit perfectly. Cinderella couldn't have been happier than I was.
AND
They were 20 bucks cheaper. Score Again!!!

They let me wear them out of the store just like they would let any 6 year old with new shoes that make them jump higher and run faster. I knew I would be able to run or at least walk faster, because I walked all over the store to be sure I wasn't going to spend way more money than I had intended only to find that I hated my new shoes.
In case you ever have the misfortune of going shoe shopping with me be warned... I take a really really long time. And I have to try on everything. EVERYTHING! I didn't write about all the other shoes I tried on and all the questions I asked the salesgirl and the other lady that was in the same aisle because this is already too damn long.
Confession: this is the very first time in my life I have shucked out 80 dollars for a pair of athletic shoes. That's how serious I am about this walking/running thing.

So Saturday evening after wearing my new shoes all day to be sure they aren't going to put blisters on my heels...
I took em out for a spin up the farm road. Walked up the lane for half a mile. Hmmmm.... comfy and easy to walk in. I turned around and headed for home. I got almost back to the house before I realized that my back did. not. hurt.
Woo Hoooooooo!!!!
I don't know if it's the extra cushion in the soles or the non-broken down support, but somehow them there shoes ARE magical. I'm leaning toward the fact that they support my feet in a way that corrects my posture and makes everything line up the way it's supposed to.

I walked again tonight and still felt terrific after I got home. I'll add a little distance tomorrow and pick up the pace. It's so amazing to be able to walk without pain.

Yes, I've written a post that's way too long about something as mundane as buying some new shoes.

Just wait until my new MP3 player gets here in a few days...

2010-06-23T00:02:00.001-06:00

Another mile and many more to go.

I asked for motivation and the Universe listened.
Today I put the lettering on the front door of the new gym in town.

Yeah. That's pretty humbling.
I walked a little faster tonight.

I get by with a little help from my friends

2010-06-22T00:12:00.001-06:00

I spent so long talking on the phone this evening that it was almost dark before I hit the dusty trail.
I'd have skipped my walk because it was so close to dark out, but part of my lengthy conversation was about getting fit and setting goals. Kinda hard to wimp out after that kind of motivation.

So I took the hairy boogers - who were VERY surprised, but utterly delighted to be going for walkies after all - and headed out for our mile long adventure.
Just a short way into the journey, Skooter gave a lunge and a great pull on the leash that almost pulled me over, and dived into the weeds on the side of the road. She's usually very well behaved on the leash, so she caught me by surprise.
Great. The mighty hunter has caught a mouse. I think. Can't really tell because she's over there in the tall weeds and it's getting dark.
Not a mouse. Too big. Craptastic! she's captured a baby skunk. Drop it! Drop it and get ready to run and run fast. And you thought this fat chick couldn't move like that. Hah!
But no, it wasn't a skunk either. PTL!!! and say halelujah! it's a very VERY angry kitten puffed up as big as a half pound kitten can be and spitting like a little ball of fury.
How Skooter managed to pick it up without getting her nosed scratched I don't know, but I convinced her that it wasn't a snack and that we should leave it alone. Poor scared little baby.
By the time we had walked to the end of the road and back, the fuzzy little spitball had vanished back into the trees. But of course the mutts had to do a thorough search to make sure it was actually gone. As thorough a search as you can make with someone dragging you by a leash, snapping their fingers and saying, "Come on, we're out here to walk..."

So I'm pretty jazzed about getting myself fit enough to walk a 5K. I'm always very excited to start something new. Who isn't? Although this isn't really new because I've started and started over about a bajillion times.

What makes this time stick? What makes this time different? What makes this time THE time?
I don't know. And I've started and stopped too many times to say with any real certainty that this time is the time when something will click in my head and I'll stick with it and before you know it I'll be wearing a pair of those lacy little underthings that have been sitting in my bottom drawer for the past 15 years.
Maybe that's part of my problem. I'm waiting for something to click or flash or fall on me like an epiphany - and angels will sing and announce to my brain that THIS is the time for me to change my life.

I'm thinking there is no click. No angel chorus. Just the doing. Every day.
I'd like to find a way to keep my mojo going. In my conversation with J this evening, she applauded my intentions and encouraged me and told me she knows I can do it. She's a pretty great friend. Never once has she brought up to me the millions of other times I've talked about losing weight. She's team Becky all the way.
She's going to be my mojo. I'm solemnly sworn to call her if I feel myself trying to weasel out of my walking schedule. She's an ex-marine so I'm thinking she'll be able to fire me up and get me back out there on the road toot sweet.

Even though there is no epiphany to speak of, there was a conversation that made me decide to get my butt in gear.
This same dear friend offered to fly me half-way across the country so that I could be there for something very special and important to her. I made all kinds of work-aholic type excuses (that she wasn't really buying) and finally had to come right out with the truth of it.
My ass pretty much doesn't fit in an airplane seat. There. Said it. Oh, I can squeeze in, but it's not comfortable and I have to beg the twig like flight attendant for the extender thingy. It's usually the little piece of seatbelt that they use for the "place the tab in this slot and pull it snug" demonstration. Ugh. As if there's ever anything to pull snug. (a random thought... what do they do if there's more than one big-o-rama passenger? Which one gets to "wing" it without a seatbelt?) Oh yeah... and sitting for 4 hours with your butt and hips all squished against the metal sides starts to be painful after the first, oh... 3 minutes.
Then you get the crusty looks from the person sitting next to you. I'm not sure if it's proper to apologize for being fat and kind of spilling into a bit of their space... They're not using it. They are scootched waaaaaaay to the other side of the seat so that my fat won't get on them. (Did that sound bitter? I think that may have sounded bitter.) It's not their fault, and no, they shouldn't have to accommodate my biggee sized butt.
At any rate...
She offered to fly me out, I declined and I think that is a sad sad way to live your life.
Doggonit! I want to plop my skinny little ass into a cubic foot of space and enjoy going to visit my friend any dadgum time I feel like it!
Fitting into a plane seat doesn't have to wait until I reach goal. Oh no no no. 40 or 50 pounds gone will see my fanny fitting into it's allotted space. It's not that long until I'll be flying the friendly skies. I'll still get the crusty looks, but it's just 'cuz of jealousy. Jealousy of my fabulousness.

So...
I walked, I ate healthy food, drank water, talked and laughed and planned with a friend. It's been a good day.

Time to hit the trail

2010-06-21T00:23:00.000-06:00

What a gorgeous day!
I walked my mile this evening and last night too. If I wait until around 8ish, the sun is almost behind the hill and there's a nice breeze - so pleasant.
I'm gonna have to work out some kind of schedule with the little neighbor girl on the 4 wheeler. Evidently it's the most fabulous time of day for her to zoom up and down and up and down and up and down our little lane kicking up dust and making way too much noise and most evil of all: she has those DOGS with her. Those DOGS who offend my dogs by their very existence.
Now, I think there's plenty of room for all of us to be out enjoying the pleasant evening, but my own hairy boogers think that there should be a big rumble if those DOGS are anywhere in our vicinity. Sigh.
We'll figure it out.

After my period of slackery, I'm back to the beginning again, so I need to build up a little more core strength so my back doesn't freek out on me. Once I'm past this stage I'll start adding some distance and speeding up my step. Usually takes about 10 days.

We had a small family barbecue at my folks house this afternoon which was quite lovely.
Chatted with my sis a bit about finding a 5K to work for. She participated in the Ogden marathon 5K a few weeks ago and had such an awesome time that she wants to do it again. Huge credit to her for doing that and for having the self control not to roll her eyes at me and snort a little when I mentioned I'd like to work towards a race too. Like she hasn't heard me say those words about 20 times.

I really mean it, though. Really!
I'm looking at all the different 5 and 10K events that are coming up in the next few months. Who knew there was so much running going on?
There's even an event right here in my little town. It's the first weekend in August, which may be kinda soon for me, or it may not. I can walk a mile so I'm thinkin' if I push a bit I'll be able to walk 3 miles.
I want to go for it. I'll know when it's closer to the date whether I'll be able to complete it or not.
Don't need to run it, don't need to win. Just want to finish.
And get the t-shirt.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

2010-06-19T19:30:00.000-06:00

Okay. So.
Let's pretend that there hasn't been a 3 month break since my last post. K? Thanks!

I was digging through my drawer 'o stuff looking for the title to my motorcycle and I came across a few photos of myself that are many many years old. Photos of me in my 20's.
Why didn't I know how cute and hot I was? -A question that I will address in a future post.

Looking at these 20 some odd year old photos reminded me of how I used to feel in my body.
Even though I always thought I was too fat, and sometimes I was, for the most part that was a mental image that I've always carried around. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I mean how I used to feel in my body. The ease of movement. The energy. The flexibility. The stamina. All of the good things that come from being healthy.
About 8 years ago, I got a good dose of gumption and the desire to date and I dropped 100 pounds in about a year. Even though I weighed just under 200 pounds - so technically still a fat girl - I felt gorgeous. Wonderful and sexy. I bought tons of new clothes. I went dancing. I even dated a bit.

It took approximately 3 years to pile it all back on again.

I want to feel good in my body again. I want to walk and run and dance and go shopping and wear the clothes that are lurking in the back of my closet. If they look sadly outdated, I want new clothes.

**********
I picked up my Bountiful Baskets produce this morning. My kitchen is full of fruit and veggie goodness. There were green beans in there! God I love me some green beans.

The bananas are still awfully green and the tomatoes are kinda pinkish. I'll eat them later in the week. The plums are delicious.
Healthy food is pretty!

Little by little by littler

2010-03-22T23:07:00.001-06:00

After my fab-u-lous weight loss last week, this week the scale is wiggling back and forth... up a pound, down a pound, up two pounds, down two pounds. I'm feeling kinda philosophical about that. I realize the bod needs a little time to adjust. I can feel that my pants are looser, so there's something going on in there. Some shifting around and adjusting. My ass is wondering if this is just something temporary or if we're gonna have to get used to this extra activity.
Get used to it, baby.

I'm still walking only a mile per day right now. Speeding up to work a little harder, breath a little faster. Tonight it was cold outside so I hit the treadmill and Danced with the Stars while I did my walking. It's kind of embarrassing, but I figure if I can put all my weight stuff out here for the world to see, I can fess up to watching mindless television for an hour or two.
Pam Anderson has ginormous boobs. Just sayin'.

I suppose I should be working harder, but I don't because I don't want to. The point, for me at least, is to eat sensibly and get some excercise so that eventually I will be at a healthy weight. I want to establish a healthy lifestyle.
Somehow the idea of punishing myself physically day after day is not conducive to making me WANT to exercise so I'm keeping it enjoyable. As movement gets easier and I get stronger I will move faster and go further. I want to run a 5K, but I'm under no delusions at all that I would actually win the race.
Back in my tiny youthful days I used to run/jog 3 miles a day almost every day. I didn't break any speed records back then, so I don't anticipate catching the Road Runner at this point either. I just wanna feel good and look forward to my exercise time.

Ten things to look forward to after losing the first fifty pounds:
I can climb and work from a ladder without fear that it will collapse under me.
I can fit snuggly but comfortably into a movie theater seat.
I can slide into a restaurant booth without needing to slide the table away from me.
I can wear an XL shirt instead of a 2x. A lot better selection of clothing styles. Usually cheaper too.
I can wear some of my rings and bracelets again.
I can tie my shoes without holding my breath.
I can look around and know that I am NOT the fattest person in the store.
I can climb up into some of the jacked up trucks that I have to ride in on occasion.
I can stand and work for hours at a time without causing agony to my feet.
I can see my collarbones again. I miss them.

I have a long way to go and the first fifty pounds is only the first third of what I need to accomplish.
It's a good thing I've already started.

So, what's YOUR excuse?

2010-03-17T22:08:00.002-06:00

Such a busy day at work today. I love that. It makes the day fly by so fast that there isn't time to do anything but hustle through what needs to be done.
Packages to send, layouts, a truck install, phone calls... lots of stuff.

So I didn't get lunch until 4:00. I brought a frozen pot roast dinner for lunch. Not the best thing in the world but it's fast and easy and only 400 calories.
I'm on a tight budget here, so gotta go with what works.

I've mentioned before about how I think I'm fat because it's easier. While that still holds true to a point, I know there's more to it.
I'm fat because I eat when I'm bored. Or I eat when I'm trying to avoid doing something I don't want to do.
It's common to use stress as an excuse for stuffing your face. I've even used it myself as a handy excuse for downing a bag of Lays Deli Style chips. (I love them so much)
However, this past week has been filled with anxiety and stress, and I'm hear to tell you- that kills my appetite so dead that not even a box of Girl Scout cookies - like the one that's been sitting to the left of my desk all week - cannot bring it back to life.
If only I could figure out a way to have the constant stomach churning and total lack of interest in food without the health issues that extreme stress brings with it, I'd be a skinny girl in no time at all.

So now we know that I'm not a stress eater, so I can cross that off the list of excuses and move on to the real issues.
I eat when I'm happy or complacent, bored, procrastinating, hiding from relationships, avoiding housework... geez. I have a few things to work on.

Still walking. Picked up the pace this evening. I feel great!

Yay! a super bonus fabulous weigh day

2010-03-16T00:43:00.000-06:00

A week ago I decided to get serious about doing some walking, eat GOOD food in moderate portions and drink drink drink.

I have lost 12 pounds. In one week.
Holy cannoli.
How motivating is that? Pretty darned.

Now we're gonna get down to a slower and more realistic rate. That's okay. I'll take any progress that comes along.

I walked outside again tonight after work. I love getting home with daylight to spare and so do the mutts. We stepped along at a pretty good clip and it felt WONDERFUL, I tell ya.
It's not going to be long before I'll have to add some distance to my route. Either that or go walking in the morning as well.
I can't wait until I start getting in a running step or two.

I love the weekend

2010-03-14T18:44:00.001-06:00

What a great weekend. I didn't do anything constructive, but I am rested and ready for the upcoming week.

Walked for 40 minutes on the treadmill yesterday because it was snowing outside.
Today, although brisk, it's sunny and bright out so me and the mutts clipped on the leash and ventured outside. It's still very wet and muddy, but oh so nice to do some walking on real live earth and feel the wind and the sun on my face.
Yay Spring!

Skooter stopped for a minute to sniff something under a skiff of snow and came up with a mouse.
Lovely.
She wanted to bring it along and throw it around and around a bit, but being the spoilsport that I am I made her drop it and leave it behind.
All this time I thought the cat was the mighty hunter, but maybe all those mouse butts that are left for me are courtesy of Skooter.

I've not really been following any particular diet, but I have been very conscious of what I'm eating and am leaning mostly to proteins and veggies.
The scale will definitely be my friend tomorrow morning.

Same ol' stuff. Treadmill. Walking. doin' good

2010-03-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Since the point of this blog is me moving my fanny down the road at a pace faster than an octogenarian with a walker...

I've been hitting the treadmill every night. I'm walking for 30 minutes at 2.5 miles per hour.
Don't make fun!
I've read articles about walking and how fast I should be going, and evidently 3 miles per hour is a nice moderate pace and 4 miles per hour should get me a good warm sweaty glow.

Hah! 3 miles per hour I can do for approximately 20 seconds, until I start to feel out of control and panic sets in and I have to back it off. 4 miles per hour would simply shoot me off the back of the treadmill like that guy on the opening segment of the Jetsens.

Patience, Grasshopper. Like the sands of the hourglass, we must flow a little at a time... soon enough the sand will trickle to the bottom and all the little pieces will be together in one big pile.
So much for sounding wise.
It takes time.
But... not as long as you'd think. Seems that once you get the ol' booty moving progress is fairly quick as long as I don't injure myself by trying to go too quickly.

My sister sent me a link to the Ogden Marathon 5k run in May.
I'm pondering. I do not run yet. Mostly because I am too heavy (refer back to the don't injure myself statement) so I would have to walk the 3.1 miles which is very doable 2 months from now.
It's not that I don't think I can do it, it's the fact that I'm a tightwad and I'm not sure I want to spend $30 for the pleasure of feeling like the turtle in the fable with everyone zooming past me.
Yeah, yeah, I may not win the race, but I win because I am doing what I set out to do.
Still pondering.

A girl can always find inspiration in her closet, or someone else's

2010-03-10T09:32:00.001-07:00

I'm going through a very stressful time right now. I don't want to go into details, but typing it makes me feel a little better. Thanks for listening.

My insides are churning and I have NO appetite.

Which leads me to the following truth about myself, stupid as it seems...
I stuff my face and slack off when things are going well for me- when I am comfortable and all is right with the world. Perhaps that's where the term "Fat and Happy" comes from. When I'm happy or moderately content, there's no need for change, everything's just fine. Have another donut.
On the good side of that, I had already made the decision to get back on the fitness trail before this stomach churning time, so dealing with something I really really don't want to deal with makes it easier for me to stay on my eating plan.
Maybe too easy. Too easy to not eat anything at all. Which is bad because I know that sustained stress will make you sick and that is the last thing I need.

I've dropped 7 pounds of water these past two days.
Let's hear a big 'ol WOOHOO!!!
Yes, it's water weight and the real thing is yet to come, but a victory on the scale is a victory nontheless.

To brighten my day the Universe lead me to these lovely, lovely photos. Inspiration to make me drool and look forward to a tinier me...

Believe it or not... under all the layers of flab, there's a woman who could rock this dress. I love it so much.

This one is probably a little more age appropriate for me. I love it too.
There's more pretty frillies on this site where these came from.

So today while I'm freaking out a bit, I'll flip over here to my blog and look longingly at these lovely frocks and remember that this too shall pass and there's always something to look forward to.

Water, water everywhere...

2010-03-08T22:31:00.001-07:00

I have to type fast because I must get my 30 minutes on the treadmill before I go to bed.

I've been so encouraged by comments and conversations this past week. Thanks J, and thanks to those who have left me some very thought provoking comments. I even got an award and I love that. Will have to respond and send it forward in the next couple of days.

Today I'm back on a sensible and satisfying eating plan. Not as rigid as The Game On Diet, but very similar and I know it works for me.
(Dear God, let me STOP with the yo-yo habit.)
Lots of water. Lots of trips to the bathroom. But it melts me away as long as I stay focused. (oh look! a puppy!)

J, my non-financially compensated shrink, and I have discussed why I'm still carrying all this baggage in my booty. We've discussed the possibility that I am trying to hide, to keep people (men) at arms length so that I won't get hurt.
Honestly, I think I'm fat because it's easier.
No... it's not easy being uncomfortable in a crowd or in a skinny little airplane or theater seat, but I don't fly or go to the theater all that often so it's something to be dealt with on a rare occasion.

Mostly I go to work or I'm at home, so who cares if I'm fat? It's easier to sit and watch tv or work at the computer and not worry about getting up and going outside or doing yard work or any number of things that I don't really want to do. Gawd, I'm lazy!

So who cares if I'm fat?
I do. That's what I'm doing here. Goin' for it again. Still. Always.

Treadmill. Now!

2010-03-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

I read a great post over at Jack Sh*t this morning. I'm putting a link to it so that I can go back and read it a few more times.
100 Questions to ask yourself.

I'm hoping it's really this easy...

2010-03-03T22:42:00.001-07:00

A few mornings ago I was lying all warm and snuggly in my bed. Dozing for just a few more minutes until I absolutely HAD to get up.
My eyes popped open and I could hear a voice in my head and it said,
"Work on getting healthy and everything else will follow."

I have to admit that the voice was my own voice, and it's a message that I've read and heard before. Somehow it fought its way from my subconscious and right to the front of my head.

I've been struggling a bit financially like everyone else this past year or so. I'm trying to grow my business in a different direction. I'm learning new things and having a marvelous time doing it.
Even though I'm enjoying my life, there's still that little Oh My God! how am I going to do this? that jumps into my brain, usually at 3 in the morning.

Then this voice tells me to be healthy. Be fit. Be strong and everything else will fall in to place.

Okay then.

So later that same day I received an email newsletter from a well-known entrepreneur that said exactly the same thing.
Be healthy and everything else falls into place.

When your body is strong you feel confident, you present yourself better, you look better you're on top of your game. You feel good about yourself, so the people you deal with feel good about you too.

Pretty simple.

Get fit or carry a ladder.

2010-02-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Here's my motivation for today:

I have to work off site for a while this afternoon, so I rode with the customer to look at his truck and to see where I need to go later.

I walked out the front door to climb into his truck - a vehicle that requires a ladder to get into.
Crap! Nothing more attractive than some fat chick (me) trying to step up 3 feet and hoist her big ol' butt up on to the truck seat.
Fortunately I made it. Twice.

I really hate that. I hate having to struggle to do something that should be easy. I hate looking and feeling like a giant schlub.

Oh yeah... Mr. Treadmill's gonna get a workout tonight.

Walking, walking, walking.....

2010-02-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

So I spent half an hour slogging on the treadmill last night. Oy. I have a long way to go. Kept my speed at 2.7 mph for most of that time. Can't go faster yet because I'm in terrible shape AND I'm pretty sure that my thighs rubbing together at a faster rate would cause me to burst into flames.

I watched Lost while I was puffing along. I've watched it every week for how many years now?
I still don't know what's going on.
But it keeps me entertained so I don't keep looking at the timer on the treadmill and realize that I've only been walking for 3 minutes. Look again... 3.5 minutes... look again... 4.5 minutes... you get the idea. I look forward to the point in the near future when this won't feel like work and I won't have the constant little girl voice going in my head, "are we done yet? are we done yet? I'm tired. My back hurts. I need a drink..."

Food...
I guess I have to talk about food since that has a bearing on health and weightloss.
I'm caught between a low carb Atkins kinda eating plan and something that is more balanced and includes some carbs.
Been reading and watching a few videos by Jorge (Horhay) Cruise about cutting sugar from your diet, so I'm giving that a whirl for a while to see how it works. 15 grams of suger is the limit for the day. It's hard to keep it that low because everything has sugar in it.
I've tried just about every eating plan there is, and through this whole process will probably change up what I'm eating from time to time because I have to find something that works as a lifestyle change, not just a weight loss diet.
I've read that about a billion times... but it's true. Find something you can live with.

No more slacking!

2010-02-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

It's almost the end of February!
That means it will soon be spring. It also means I'm gonna be kicking myself because I've been a slacker and when it's finally warm enough to start walking outside again - that means the 18 inches of snow will have melted away so that I CAN walk outside again - when it's time to walk outside again I will be wheezing and hobbling and wobbling along because I didn't stay committed and stay on my program.

I haven't slid backwards too far, but I haven't progressed either. Makes me want to say bad words. Makes me want to type them too.

So....
Gonna be starting and outlining my new workout plan.
Then I'll find a healthy eating plan that I feel like staying with and I'll outline that too.

See ya tomorrow!

These shoes are made for walkin' and that's just what they'll do if I ever go and get them

2009-08-27T23:54:00.003-06:00

Somebody PLEASE make me go buy some new shoes!!!!
I'm busy at work so I'm on my feet a good bit and with the daily walking it's breaking my poor old shoes down pretty fast.

I like having new shoes. They help me run faster and jump higher. They cradle my feet in their snug cushiony tootsy loving support.
But I really don't enjoy shopping for shoes. Shoe shopping for me has to be a lone undertaking. There's no way I would subject anyone else to this torture. I have to look at EVERYTHING and try on EVERYTHING.
My feet are wide and fat - cubic feet. It's not impossible to find a good fit, but I have to work for it. Add to that the fact that I'm a tightwad, so I don't want to spend any more than I have to - who does? So it's a couple of hours at the Shopko and I'll be just dandy.
And I'll have new shoes. Hopefully shoes that are on sale.

I'm still walking most every day. Wendy and I are planning a 2 miler sometime toward the end of September. She's got a walking path by the river all spotted out and that sounds good to me.

So basically.... same same same same same same same.
Which is much much better than crying about how I can't seem to stay motivated and how I ate a gallon of ice cream last night. I actually went to the grocery store tonight fully intending to buy some ice cream or some sort of treat, but nothing really looked good, so I picked up some corn on the cob and some sugarfree pudding. I'm such a wild woman.

I guess buying yummy flavored coffee fulfills my need for dessertishness... I like that. It's cheaper than buying a whole bunch of crap. Told you I'm cheap.

Aren't I supposed to be miserable and feeling deprived?

2009-08-10T10:25:00.004-06:00

I hit kind of a milestone last night in my walking venture. I've finally reached the point where it's not hard work.
I'm still puffing and panting as I walk at a not-really-all-that-brisk pace, but I don't feel the heaviness and tiredness as I move my legs forward. Maybe it's because I had a good night's sleep Saturday night, destressed over the weekend... dunno. All I know is, I was walking along and I realized that it was easy again.
YAY!

Now tonight I will add some distance to my walk, probably another 1/4 mile, which means I'll be doubling back on myself for a little ways in order to get the distance. I'm sure the dogs won't mind.

I had a weird dream this morning just before I woke up. My dreams usually involve people that I don't know. Actually, I know them in the dream, but when I wake up I have no idea who they were.
In this dream I was at work (which was somewhere I've never been in waking life, working with people I've never met). I don't really recall a lot of what was going on, but we were having a meeting in the "office" and I was sitting next to a very nice looking man who was apparently very happy to be sitting next to me. Someone passed around a plate of huge puffy chocolate chip cookies. I took one, took a bite of it and gave it to the cute guy because I don't eat sugar and knew it would make me feel terrible.
Does this mean that my current eating choice has actually made its way to my subconscious? Or does it mean that sitting next to a hottie will influence me to stop stuffing my face?
I'm going to vote for the subconscious choice because that means that I won't be struggling with decisions and temptations to eat what I know is not going to move me toward my goals.

So far, I really haven't been smitten with horrible cravings or lusting after someone else's yummy treats. I even gave my coupon for a free Snickers Dark Chocolate to one of the guys.
I just don't want it.

I can't decide if it's because of the time of the year, or my increased activity or just the fact that I've got a tangible goal that I'm working for. I don't know. It's kind of puzzling, but I'm not gonna complain, because changing your lifestyle is supposed to be hard. Am I missing something?
Because so far it's just that easy.

Picking up the pace, adding distance and avoiding neighbors

2009-08-05T13:04:00.004-06:00

My sister and I have had some interesting discussions these past couple of days. We've discussed the Blood Type Diet, the Protein Power diet which I am using as a guideline, my expansive collection of diet books, and our progress in the exercise department. We also discussed the point that eventually we'll need to address the underlying issues as to why we are so mentally resistant to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. That's where my Dr. Phil book will make its way off the shelf.

I'm walking every day. I've tried to take a day off, but the dogs are completely deaf to my reasons or excuses. Slave drivers.
I'm still at one mile for my distance, but cruising a lot faster. I chose to start out slowly for a couple of reasons: first of all, I'm in terrible condition. Puffing and panting and sweating and all those unattractive things. My other reason is I don't want my feet to hurt.
Years ago when I walked and ran and walked and ran, I started out doing too much too soon (and wore cheap shoes) and developed planter fasciitis. Which mostly means that my heels were an absolute agony, especially first thing in the morning or any time during the day when I would stand up and put any weight on them. I have since learned this is caused by an inflamation in the tendon where it attaches to the bottom of your heel bone. Not enough padding on the bottom of your heel to cushion from the pounding when you walk.
It seems that the only way to get it to go away is to stop walking on it until it heals.
Well, I've been sedentary for long enough that I am no longer plagued with hurty feet. I have good shoes and a bit more knowledge so I'm good to go without injury this time. Now as long as my bunions will cooperate and not start expressing their opinion about things....

Tonight and for the rest of the week I'll stay with my one mile distance. I'll speed up so that I'm still working hard.
Next week I'll start adding a little more distance. I may have to walk the first mile outside on my lovely road (see slideshow at right>>>) and then add some distance on the treadmill. Or just walk the road twice. I could walk the increased distance on the paved road that runs past my house, but I hesitate to have to deal with my dogs and traffic and neighbors waving and wanting to stop to chat - which kind of kills the momentum. Somehow it's kind of a buzzkill to have people comment on "how nice it is to see me ~~getting off my fat ass~~ out walking". It's not polite to tell them to p*** off so I will avoid that as much as possible.
I'd like to be walking two miles a day by the end of September and then 3 miles by the middle of November. That will put me right where I need to be in time for the Santa run: walking 3 miles comfortably. I might even be able to throw in a little bit of jogging along with that so even if I finish the race dead last, it won't be totally humiliating.

Ok. That's the plan.

I ordered my basket O veggies again this morning to be picked up Saturday morning. I've never looked forward to buying produce before. If only I'd known how exciting a grab bag of fruits and vegetables could be, I'd have had someone else shopping for me and bringing it to me. And I'd eat it and be happy, even grateful.
I hope there's more apples and bananas. They were like candy, they were so good.

It's all in your head, you know

2009-08-01T23:57:00.002-06:00

I know I've stated in previous posts that this blog is not about how much weight I can lose, but about getting healthy. However I can't ignore the fact that I am losing weight, which is no surprise, because I'm doing what is good for my body and it is therefore trying to return to its natural state.

So... Yay! I've lost a few pounds.

I'm watching Wayne Dyers latest public television offering. I like him a lot. I like him because he tells me that I can be and do anything I want.

"When you correct your mind, everything else will follow."
That is what I'm doing right now. I've changed my mind about how I choose to eat and about excercise and taking care of myself. The hard part for me is to maintain this commitment. Or is it hard because I think it is? Am I just making excuses for being lazy?

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

I'm just jotting notes right now so that I can come back and address them later.
Feel free to contribute your thoughts about this.

Coffee black... no sugar

2009-07-29T22:46:00.002-06:00

So now I've been sugarfree for a week.
BFD, you may say. But it really is a big deal for me. I am a colossal sugar addict.

"In medical terminology, an addiction is a chronic neurobiologic disorder that has genetic, psychosocial, and environmental dimensions and is characterized by one of the following: the continued use of a substance despite its detrimental effects, impaired control over the use of a drug (compulsive behavior), and preocupation with a drug's use for non-therapeutic purposes (i.e. craving the drug). Addiction is often accompanied by the presence of deviant behaviors (for instance stealing money and forging prescriptions) that are used to obtain a drug."

Yep, that pretty much describes it. I haven't ever gone so far as to steal money to buy candy, nor have I forged a prescription, but I have eaten chocolate that did not belong to me.
I have more than a few times stashed a bag of M&M's (a big bag) under my pillow so that I could lay in bed and read a book and snarf chocolate morsels in embarrasing quantities and not share them with anyone. My candy eating offenses are without number.

I know - I'm a horrible terrible person. No, not for eating all that candy all by myself, but for eating someone else's candy and not replacing it. That's breaking one of the cardinal rules of chocolate.

It's been surprisingly easy to give up my high calorie crutch. I think the outdoor walking has helped a lot. I'm very surprised because I thought I would be having some pretty serious withdrawal or least cravings and a headache.
Nope.

Yay!!!

So... do I feel different having denied myself my drug of choice for the past week?
Yes.

I'm not hungry all the time. I'm not thinking about food ALL THE TIME. I'm not thinking and scheming and obsessing about having a snack.
I don't know if this change is because I've cut sugar from my diet, or if it's because I decided to be healthy and therefore the crap food is off my list, or because of my daily walk.
Probably a combination of all the above.

Whatever, I have more energy and my brain function is more clear.
Will I never ever eat sugar again? Well... duh, yeah.
But for now it's not on my list.

Oh my aching back...

2009-07-27T11:39:00.002-06:00

I just have to say... YYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walked my mile last night and there was no knife-sharp pain in my lower back. Usually it goes into a bit of a spasm at the halfway point. Punishment for being lazy and neglectful and letting my core support muscles turn into sponges.

What a relief. Now walking will be more pleasant and I can move more freely, walk further and pick up my pace a bit.

Yay!!!

Three days and no chocolate...

2009-07-26T13:09:00.003-06:00

I picked up my big basket of fruits and vegetables yesterday morning. I've gotta tell ya, it didn't take me long to become a big fan of Bountiful Baskets.
This stuff is super fresh and about as perfect as any produce you can find. It's like going to the Farmer's Market and getting a grab bag of goodies.

What was in my basket? Let's see... the most beautiful bananas I have ever seen, a pound of strawberries that smelled like heaven, a big stalk of celery that also smelled wonderful (so often we forget that this stuff is supposed to have a fragrance) a nice big cantaloupe, some apples, some peaches, a couple of pounds of green grapes, a pound of asparagus, an acorn squash and a big head of cabbage. I think there was more, but that's enough to give you the idea. Over all about 25 pounds of fruits and vegetables for 20.00.
I split my basket with my folks because I wouldn't be able to eat all of that tasty goodness before it starts to spoil.

Now...
I've been sugar free for three days now. I haven't really missed it. I'm an addict, dammit! I'm supposed to have cravings and headaches from sugar withdrawel. What happened to that? Is it waiting to pounce on me tomorrow when I'm at work? I guess I'll find out.

In my previous post I talked about following a low carb diet, which is what I have committed to do. However, the Protein Power eating plan, unlike Atkins, allows fruits and that is why I can survive on it.

About 6 years ago I lost a huge amount of weight just by walking then eventually running and following my own eating plan. Come to find out after reading this book... that's exactly what I was doing. So it's pretty easy for me to fall back in to this way of life.
I gained all the weight back eventually because I lapsed into my slothful and evil ways. Arghhhh.....!!!!!

I didn't really want to center this blog so much on weight loss as on being healthy. That's why I haven't posted a starting weight or a goal weight. I really want to be able to run and have energy and maybe even a little bit of fun now and then. (J, take your mind out of the gutter... and yes, I do mean THAT too).

However, I will post some of my goals and even some photos after I've made a little big of progress. Right now, I just want to be able to walk a mile without being exhausted.
Gettin' there.

Peppers and broccoli and chicken, oh my!

2009-07-24T16:50:00.003-06:00

My carb addiction is completely out of control. Ughhhhhh! I'm so tired all of the time, and I know it's a combination of overweight (lugging this big ass with me everywhere I go is quite literally a ton of work) stress, the heat and eating sugar.

Can't do much about the heat. It's a temporary thing anyway and before you know it I'll be bitching about how cold I am.

Stress is just part of life and I have friends to de-stress me. Exercise helps too. Eating chips and ice cream... not helping so much.

Even though I'm walking every day it just isn't possible to chop my butt off in one fell swoop, so it looks like the sugar has to go. I don't mean just candy and plain ol' refined sugar, I'm talking about carbs. le sigh.
Carbs are not my friends. They profess to be. They promise that if I will bring them home with me they will help me feel better about all the crazy problems in my life. They will help me not to care that I have an ass the size of a smart car. They are liars!

I have a copy of Protein Power that I picked up at the thrift shop for 50 cents a year or so ago. Wait... guess I better back up a little bit. I've lost weight using low carb programs in the past so I know they work. I also know that as long as I stay fairly active, I can maintain the weightloss from following such a simplified diet.
I've heard the phrase "You didn't fail on your diet, your diet failed you." Huh. Actually, I fail myself because I don't keep my health and well being on the top of my list of important things.

So... I have a copy of Protein Power that's been sitting on my nightstand for about a year. I use it to smack the door handle so the little thing will pop out and the door will latch when I close it.

The other morning when I picked it up to use it for door smacking, it stuck in my hand. I placed it
on my bed so that I could read it at bedtime. Of course I also whacked the door handle because I need the door to stay shut while I'm not home or Sweety will sleep on my pillow and leave little dirty paw prints all over my bed.

Now after perusing it's pages, I have decided to implement a low carb high protein lifestyle back into my life.

I know... it's a fad diet and they never work..blah blah blah...etc, etc.... But... it will jumpstart my weightloss. One thing I'll say about low carb is that I drop a lot of weight very quickly and I have immediate energy which is what I'm lookin' for here.
I'm not a no-carb nazi, in fact the part I like about this way of eating is that I can eat all the veggies I want. Mmmmmm.... red peppers. I loves me some veggies and once I get all the sugar and the cravings that go with it out of my system, veggies are my food or snack of choice.

Tomorrow at 9:30 (which is practically the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning) I'll drive over to pick up my big basket of produce.
Wendy hooked me up with Bountiful Baskets, a produce co-op wherein I get a big ol' basket of very fresh vegetables and fruits for a very reasonable price. I won't know what's in it till I get there, so it's like buying a grab bag, which makes it really fun. I can't wait!

Then I'll hit the grocery store to get some chicken breasts and some eggs and other stuff so that I will be all set to carry through with my commitment to be healthy. It doesn't take a whole lot to derail me so have to be prepared.

I'll let you know how I'm doing with this in a couple of days. That's how long it takes until I don't want those little white crack cakes every minute of every day.

It's so much easier to walk if it's postcard perfect all the way...

2009-07-16T17:49:00.000-06:00

There are times when I am whiny and filled with self pity and I find excuses NOT to excercise. "I'm tired. My feet hurt. waaaaaaaaaa!"

This post is to show you that there is never any reason whatsoever to feel sorry for me.

I took my camera with me on my walk to show you where I'm spending an hour of my evenings. These shots were taken about 8 pm last night, so the lighting is lovely but the mosquitoes were not.

I walk across the road from my house, and this is the beginning of my walking path.

Just a little further up the road and to the left...

Down off the hill lies the Malad river bottoms...
Sweety running along ahead of me. The homeliest dog you ever saw, but she's sweet.

On the right we have the neighbors watching us go by...
More of the river bottom....

The view to the right again...

Sweety says "Hey!"
It's almost impossible to get a clear picture of her, because she doesn't want to stand still. She's very busy.

At the end of the road is a field that's filled with nearly ripe grain. So beautiful!

This is Skooter, my other walking bud, who was also present but not too participatory in the picture taking. She just wanted to get on with it. We're supposed to be walking, not dawdling along!
Once we reach the wheat field, we pet the horses that are lovely and white just like unicorns, then turn around and hurry home because we do NOT want to be covered with mosquito bites or discovered by skunks. Yeah... that's happened before.

Now, it's time to put on your walkin' shoes and get moving! We're burning daylight and it's only 4 months till the race.

The dogs think I'm doing this for their benefit

2009-07-15T11:26:00.000-06:00

I walked my mile again last night.
I correct myself: I walked and stretched in an attempt to ease the stiffness in my back, untangled the leash from Skooters hind leg, unwrapped the leash from around the middle of me and waved my arms in an attempt shoo the gnats away from my face... it was a good time.

Actually.... it WAS a good time. I'll post some photos of the little road where I take my stroll so that you will see that I have nothing whatsoever to complain about. It's that gorgeous.

I've come to the conclusion that Skooter can read my mind. She knows the exact second when I have decided to take my walk. She positions herself next to the door in anticipation and when I pick up the leash she's a big 80 pound bouncing jumping leaping bundle of happy.
I have a 20 foot lead that I attach to her and I tie the non-doggy end around my waist. I'm sure the Dog-Whisperer would have an opinion about this, but it works well for us. She has room to roam ahead a little bit and I don't have anything in my hands so my arms can swing free.
In the olden days - that would be 5 years ago - she was able to run wild and free, but then discovered the joys of chasing sheep, so those days are over. A leash we must have.

So, I will finish out this week taking my mile at a leisurely pace and letting my body get used to the idea that we're not kidding. We're gonna do this every day. After its initial shock, my body will love me for this and reward me by feeling more energized and will even start craving our walks.
I can see/feel that I need to get a new pair of shoes. How about you? If you're going to walk, you need to provide your tootsies with the protection of a good pair of walking shoes. I'm partial to Nikes, not because of the name brandness, but because they fit me. So I see a trip to Shopko coming up in my near future. Maybe I'll even park at the other end of the parking lot and get a little walking in.

Santa Run,.. I look good in a beard

2009-07-12T23:08:00.000-06:00

11/28/2009 Santa Run - Ogden 5K Fun Run Ogden Utah Parade Route UT Joe Coles 801-335-4940 www.runsanta.com sclaus@runsanta.com All runners must dress up as Santa Claus. For your registration fee you will receive a Santa Shirt, Hat & Beard to run in. This event is over Thanksgiving weekend and on the same course as the Ogden Holiday Light Parade and just one hour prior to the parade. Milk & Cookie Rest Stops (water too). Please all volunteers dress up as elves and get shirts that say Santa's Helpers. Very fun and funny.

I've started looking for a Fun Run/ Turkey Trot which is the motivation for our endeavors. This one looks fun and funny.

In the beginning...

2009-07-12T22:15:00.000-06:00

So my sister and I made a pact that we are going to work together to get in shape to run a Turkey Trot race on Thanksgiving weekend.
Our major concern at this point is staying motivated to make it past the first week of working out and eating in a way that will benefit our overall health.
Sis shouldn't have any problem at all getting her slim on... she wants to drop a few pounds and work on strength and building up endurance.

I don't remember if we were discussing preparing for a 5k or a 10k, and at this point it doesn't matter cuz I get winded just walking across the street.

Now we work in baby steps. I walked a mile tonight, actually, just a bit shy of a mile... and I came back sweaty and panting with a throbbing lower back.
I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. It's only a few days walking and the achy back will go away. I like sweating and my dogs are LOVING the walkies.
My visual motivation:
Yep, I want to look like I could kick your a** and I want to be fit enough to do it.